Shelter from the Storm
by MaverickLover2
Summary: What to do after the horror that was New Orleans? Home, go home, Bart Maverick's mind told him, and that's where he and his father headed. But once they got to Texas, Bart would need more than just being home to regain his health. He'd need shelter from the storm that raged within him.
1. Recurring Noghtmares

Chapter 1 – Recurring Nightmares

We were on our way home from New Orleans, Louisiana, and it had been a rough trip so far. Let me clarify that – 'we' consisted of me, Bart Maverick, professional poker player, and my father. Affectionately known as 'Pappy,' Beauregard Maverick, he was the original in the family. When Pappy started out there was no such thing as a 'professional poker player' – they were all called gamblers, con men, card sharps and card cheats. Not that the description fit Pappy – he was an anomaly. He was honest. He has a younger brother, Bentley, who is saddled with the same affliction. Honesty. Well, Ben may be a tad more larcenous. A bit more on the reckless side. But honest to a fault.

The trip from New Orleans to Little Bend, Texas, normally takes about a week. We'd been at it for over ten days. We'd encountered every delay that could slow us down, from hostiles where they weren't expected to be, to a horse that broke his leg and collapsed. We'd gotten two replacement drivers. The first one took sick and couldn't continue, the second one shot himself in the foot when he was tryin' to get his rifle out of the boot. One way station had been burned to the ground and one was deserted; the third had all their livestock rustled.

Pappy and me had come to the conclusion that fate or destiny or whatever you wanted to call it was mad at one or both of us for some reason. Maybe God just wasn't happy with the way things had gone in Louisiana, maybe it was nothin' more than the worst run of bad luck seen in a long time; I don't know. Whatever it was, the string never broke until we were well into Texas. By that time we were just plum worn out and ready to sit still for a good long spell.

There's two more members of this family that I forgot to tell you about. Neither one of 'em was in Little Bend right now. Brother Bret, Pappy's oldest son and my big brother, was in Topeka with his lady love, Pinkerton Captain Ginny Malone. She was workin' on a new case; he was still gettin' back to normal after almost being gunned down in Memphis. Cousin Beau, Uncle Bentley's son, was in Denver at the moment, gettin' in to God only knows what kind of trouble. Far as I knew there was no particular lady in his life right now. Like me, Beau had been married once and, again like me, his wife was now deceased. Bret and Beau are also honest poker players. It's the family 'business.'

When me and Pappy finally got to Houston we decided to spend the night in a hotel. Neither one of us could stand one more night on that stage, and we both needed to stretch our legs and eat a real breakfast in the morning. So we got a room at the Houston City Palace and sat down at a poker table. That's when Lady Luck finally remembered who the Mavericks were and decided we'd suffered enough.

The next morning we were both in a better mood. Pappy left his horse in Houston when he'd come to my side in New Orleans and, after last night, I found a sweet little blue roan mare and bought her. No more stagecoach riding for the Maverick boys, we were headed home on horseback.

When we finally came around the bend in the road and saw the Mansion (Ben's house is so big, that's what he's always called it), I could hear Lily Mae yellin' "Here they come! Here they come!" Lily is a second mother to all of us. She's been Uncle Ben's housekeeper for more than twenty years, and she moved into the Mansion after her own husband died. God help all of us if Lily Mae ever leaves. By the time we rode up to the house, Lily Mae was already out in the front yard waiting for us. She saw Pappy first and wrapped him in a hug the way only Lily Mae can – Pappy hates it, but he lets Lily greet him any way she wants. Then she turned to me and gasped.

"Mr. B!" she wailed. I'd wondered just how bad I must look, and Lily's cry convinced me it was worse than I thought. "Oh, my poor Mr. B!" Normally on the thin side anyway, I had the feeling the opium I'd involuntarily encountered in New Orleans had done its worst on my frame. Lily Mae's reaction served to confirm my instincts.

She was much more gentle with the hug she gave me, as if I was some fragile piece of glass. "I won't break, Lily, I promise," I informed her, but I don't think she believed it. By the time she let go of me Uncle Ben had put in an appearance, and he took a good, hard look at me.

"I assume there's some kind of a story that explains this look," he told Pappy, who just nodded his assent and took Ben's arm.

"Later," was the only thing I heard as we walked in the house. I promised the little blue roan she would get my full attention soon, and followed Ben and Pappy down the hall to the kitchen. Everything looked the same as it had the last time I was here; everything but me. Ben's and Lily Mae's eyes held questions, but there was plenty of time for answers later.

XXXXXXXX

Lily had supper ready, as usual, and she did her best to feed me too much. I'm afraid I upset her when I couldn't even eat as much as I did before, which wasn't a whole lot. It was gonna take time for me to come back from the mess I'd walked into in Louisiana, and that's just the way it was.

I was worn out from the ride and needed to rest for a while. Ben promised to take care of the roan and Pappy went with him, no doubt to explain what had happened while we were both gone. I found the room I always claimed as mine when I was here and removed my coat and vest, followed by my boots and gun belt. Normally it's hard for me to fall asleep, but I was gone within minutes of stretching out on the bed. As always since we'd left Louisiana, my dreams were haunted by visions of Matthew Langford and the hell he'd inflicted on me.

 _I was wandering the streets of New Orleans, and Matt was alive and with me. He kept steering me down this street and that until we finally came to a dingy building that I knew must be Weng-Fai Wongs. And I walked into it willingly with Matthew close behind me. The air was hazy and yellow, and that sweet, pungent smell I recognized hung everywhere. I wanted to turn and run, but instead I reached out and accepted the cigar that some unknown person handed me. My mind was screaming, "NO! NO! NO!" but my physical being wanted the sweet relief that came with the mind-numbing drug. I felt my body begin to float away, but before I could get any further someone had their hands on my arm, shaking me awake._ AsI opened my eyes I realized it was Lily Mae.

"Bart, baby, you were yelling. I got here as fast as I could."

I blinked slowly; I needed the sleep desperately but was glad that she'd shaken me awake. "It's alright, Lily, I'm glad you woke me. I was dreamin' again."

"Dreaming?" she huffed. "More like havin' a nightmare."

"Actually, you're right. That's what it was, a nightmare. And sometimes I'm still not sure that I'm awake."

I almost laughed. I thought it would be so easy – I was convinced when Pappy and I left New Orleans that the worst of it was over. Now that I was home in Texas I realized something that left me shaken to the core – it was just beginning. And I was gonna need every bit of help I could get to make it through and out the other side.


	2. Smokin' Cigars

Chapter 2 – Smokin' Cigars

Determined to spend my first evening home as normal as possible, I put my boots on and followed Lily Mae back downstairs. Pappy and Uncle Ben were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee, and I poured myself a cup and sat down at the table with them. "You alright?" Pappy asked, no doubt having heard the same thing Lily Mae had. I nodded and took a sip of coffee.

"Does that happen often?" Ben questioned.

"Once in a while," Pappy answered for me. He was more qualified to give Uncle Ben an answer than I was, since he was the one that had listened to me ever since . . . well, ever since. "Most of the time it's not too bad."

"Sorry, Uncle Ben. You too, Lily Mae. I don't . . . I don't have any control over it."

Lily patted my arm and sat down next to me. "Maybe some warm milk before you go to bed."

I grimaced, knowing full well and good that nobody was goin' out to milk the poor old cow before bedtime. Lily meant well and I wasn't about to argue with her. Ben cleared his throat and changed the subject. "Thought we'd stay home a couple nights before we rode into town. At least till you feel like goin' in with us."

Even in my state of mind, I felt sorry for Ben. Not only did he have Pappy for a brother, he had Bret and me for nephews. The whole crazy side of the family lived with him. "Thanks, Ben. I think layin' low for a couple days is a good idea. I'm not ready to see . . . anybody, just yet."

"Fine with us," Pappy added. "Since we rode in, nobody'll know you're home."

"Supplies comin' in on Friday. That be good for a trip into town?"

I nodded. Today was Tuesday, that gave me almost three days to get used to the idea. Not that I expected to look a whole lot better in three days; but I did expect to be acclimated to the idea of people I'd known my whole life lookin' at me sideways. Or maybe it was just Maude and Doralice whose sideways glances I worried about.

I hadn't seen Doralice in months, since before the sojourn in Memphis. I'd sent her a telegram or two, but that was about all. She had no idea what had happened, either in Memphis or New Orleans, and I wasn't lookin' forward to explainin' it all. Doralice is . . . well, she's . . . oh, hell, she's my woman. We'd settled on that a while back, and it pleased both of us. It was a long time comin', and I saw no reason for it to change anytime soon. I was hopin' that she'd still feel the same way, even after everything that had happened. Maude was her mother, and my good friend.

Ben and Pappy continued the conversation while my mind drifted off to the Donovan women. It took me a minute to realize they were now discussing Cousin Beau. "I got a wire the other day, from Beau. Says he's comin' back to Little Bend for a spell, got somebody he wants me to meet. Now whatta you suppose that means?"

Pappy started to answer, but I interrupted. "Uh-oh, sounds like Cousin Beau's got himself a new girl." I was more than happy to help turn the conversation to something more pleasant than my . . . health.

When it came to my cousin, there wasn't one among us who wouldn't have agreed it was about time. Years ago Beau was married to sweet Georgia Mayfield, but she died and left him alone. It took Beau a long time to get over her death, just like it had taken me years to accept my wife's murder, and he'd been hesitant to get involved with another woman. I think we were all hoping that had finally happened. It certainly would be good news, for Beau's sake if no one else's, and something positive to look forward to.

Ben went to the porch to smoke, and I went with him. There'd been no chance to spend a few minutes alone with him, and I felt the need to let him see for himself that I was . . . reasonably me. He offered a cigar and I took it. At least here at home I had no fear of a tainted smoke. After a few minutes of quiet he finally asked, "How are you, nephew? How are you really?"

I glanced away as I answered him. "As good as I can expect to be, Ben. My body's healin', and that's the important thing."

"What about the rest of you?"

"It'll get there."

He took a draw on the cigar and, as he blew the smoke out, told me, "Your Pa wasn't the only one worried about you, ya know." His next remark was slow in coming. "I knew Langford, too."

That was news to me, but then I'd never asked Pappy anything about James Langford. "As well as Pappy did?"

"No, thank God. There was always somethin' about that man that bothered me. He was . . . too much of everything. He wanted to wrap your Pa up in a neat little package and keep him tucked away in his coat pocket." I must have given Ben an odd look, because he hurried to continue. "He couldn't settle for just bein' friends. He had to be your best friend, your brother, and didn't wanna leave no room in your life for no one else. I warned your Pa, but Beauregard had a mind of his own. Course it's part my fault, too. I was too busy bein' the ladies' man in those days, and I didn't have a lotta time to spare. Your Pa wanted, well, he wanted the kinda relationship you and your brother's got. Close like that, and I had too much to do just then. I guess you could say I learned my lesson the hard way. But that's another story. After we came to Texas things changed, and we got to be the way we are now. And Langford found other fish to fry.

"But I sure understood when Beauregard got your wire. You were in deep trouble, and we both knew it. Good thing he found you in time." Ben did something unusual for him, and put his arm around my shoulders. It was an unexpected and welcome display of Maverick affection. I was glad him and Pappy were together in one house now, that they had each other to count on. I hoped that Bret and I always stayed as close as we were, and we didn't let anything come between us. Time would tell, but I had high hopes. It hadn't taken us as long to know how much we depended on each other as it had Pappy and Ben, and for that, I was truly grateful.

I shivered, and I didn't know if it was the chill in the air or something else. "I'm goin' inside, you comin' with me?"

Ben nodded and got on his feet. "Yeah, my bones are too old to sit outside in this weather. Let's see if there's any coffee left." I started to step in front of him, but he grabbed me by the arm. "Bart, if you need anything – anything – you tell me. No matter what it is, you hear?"

"Thanks, Uncle Ben. I appreciate that." We went back to the kitchen and got more coffee, then joined Pappy in the front room. I guess it wasn't my imagination – the chill in the air, I mean, because Pappy had started a fire. It felt good – comfortable, and safe, to be home. I didn't have any control over what went on when I tried to sleep, but here when I was awake everything seemed peaceful, at last. I could only hope that it stayed that way.


	3. Honey, I'm Home

Chapter 3 – Honey, I'm Home

Friday arrived faster than I expected it to. I felt more rested than I had on Tuesday; I was still havin' dreams every night but most of the time they weren't as upsetting as they could have been. At least I hadn't scared the life out of anybody but myself since that first time.

My appetite hadn't returned, even with Lily Mae's cooking to eat. I tried my best, but most meals found me just pushin' food around my plate. God bless Lily – she didn't nag or berate me. She cleared the table when we were finished and looked mournfully at the food I'd left. She did everything she could to tempt me, baking all my favorites. Sometimes it worked, and she'd spend the rest of the day whistling, as if I'd accomplished something extraordinary. Sometimes it didn't.

I'd been spendin' a good deal of time in the barn or out in the corral, most of the time with Noble, that cantankerous gelding of mine. He was gettin' older, just like the rest of us, and wasn't quite as feisty as he used to be. He must have sensed there was a changing of the guard coming, because at first he was downright rude to the blue roan mare. He seemed to get over it when I paid more attention to him, and almost got to be friends with her. Almost. I still rode him, I just tended to give him more rest than I had before.

So it was Noble that I saddled for the ride into Little Bend, and he was practically overjoyed to be takin' the trip. Pappy, Ben, and Lily Mae took the buckboard; they had supplies to pick up at the General Store. I don't know what I was expecting, nothing looked any different than it had the last time I was here. Oh, there were more buildings and more people, but the landscape hadn't changed any.

I followed them to the store and tried to ignore some of the looks I got from people. I must have really looked that bad, because Harry Miller, the store owner, appeared positively stricken when he asked me, "You been sick, Bart?" Lily Mae gave him a withering look that shut him up.

"Yeah, Harry, I've been sick. But I'm better now, and a little thinner. Just gonna take some time," I answered, tryin' my best to act casual about his question. I picked up some of Lily's packages and took them to the buckboard, and had just turned around to go back for more when Pappy walked up behind me with an armful.

He set his packages down next to mine. "That's enough, son," he told me and put his arm around my shoulders. "Let's go over to Maude's and get somethin' to drink." I knew he meant coffee and was trying to make me feel better, but Maude's was the last place I wanted to be right now.

"I'd rather not, Pappy." I pulled away from him and started down the street instead of up it. "I'm goin' to the LB Bar, if you wanna join me."

"Alright." He followed me down the boardwalk and through the batwing doors. Benny White had been threatening to close the Little Bend Bar down for years, but somehow that never happened. Even after Maude opened her saloon and then expanded it, the old wooden floor was still in place and Ray Ames was still tending bar.

"Well, as I live and breathe, that sure looks like Beauregard Maverick. And in the middle of the day, too. Who you got with you, Beauregard?"

Ray had known me since I was ten years old. He'd watched me come in here and play poker from the time I was a snot-nosed kid until Bret and I left Little Bend, and lots of times since. I never said a word, just walked in with Pappy and waited to see how long it would take Ray. He looked me up and down more than once before finally pulling out two coffee cups and setting them on the bar. As he poured coffee, he explained. "Sorry, Bart, the sun was in my eyes. I didn't recognize you at first."

Ray made it sound good, but I could see the confusion on his face. The confusion grew when I told him, "Ray, give me whiskey."

Pappy never said a word. I still hated the taste of the stuff, but right now I needed some liquid courage. I drank the shot and set the glass back down. "One more." Ray poured and I drank, then picked up the coffee cup. Pappy made his way to a table and I followed him, collapsing rather than just sitting in a chair.

"I thought I'd be safe in here."

"Safe from what, boy?"

"From them," I replied, gesturing around the saloon. There were five or six men inside, some playing poker and some drinking. All of them had looked up and stared when me and Pappy entered. Most had gone back to what they were doing, but one or two still watched me.

"What are they doin'?" Pappy asked softly.

"Watchin' me, like I was some kinda . . . animal." I stared down into my coffee cup.

Pappy shook his head. "They're not, boy. They're not watchin' you at all."

I pulled my head up and followed his eyes around the room. The only one paying attention to us was Ray, and that was because he was headed our way with the coffee pot. Ray poured coffee for both of us and returned to the bar. "Pappy . . . "

How could I tell him what I was feelin', the things that kept poppin' up in my mind when I least expected them? Had I imagined all of it? The looks from people on the street? The way Harry reacted, in the General Store? The sun in Ray's eyes? Stares from the men in the saloon? His eyes met mine and he nodded. "You ain't crazy. You look different. You act different. People notice things. But they don't think you're no . . . animal. They just know you've changed. Just like you'd come home with your arm in a sling or your foot in a cast. That's all it is. Ain't no reason to hide, not here in the LB Bar, or in a bottle. And you sure don't have to hide from me and Ben and Lily Mae. Or Maudie and Doralice. You understand?"

I didn't, exactly, but I nodded. Maybe I was imagining it, or maybe I was just over-reacting. What I'd gone through in New Orleans had taken a toll, and it was gonna take a while to recover from it. Really and truly recover, not just pretend recover, the way I'd been doin' ever since we left there. Maybe it was time to start doin' some of that.

I stood up and straightened my shoulders, then walked back to Ray behind the bar. "Here's for the whiskey, Ray," and I left my money on the bar. Then I went back to our table. "I'm goin' over to see Doralice, Pappy. Wish me luck."

Pappy chuckled, then drained his cup. "You don't need luck, boy. Not with a woman that looks like that."

I tipped my hat to my father. "See you at home, Pa." Out the door and back up the street, until I stood in front of Maude's. I paused a minute before going in, looking over the doors. Doralice was behind the bar, pouring drinks for the cowboys. God, she was beautiful. I didn't know how much I'd missed her until I stood there and watched her. I waited until she'd stopped what she was doing and stepped inside. There was no hesitation when she saw me; no lack of recognition. Faster than I could say, "Honey, I'm home," she was out from behind the bar and in my arms.


	4. Dead Men Tell No Tales

Chapter 4 – Dead Men Tell No Tales

"I was beginning to get worried." That was the first thing Doralice said once we'd stopped kissing. Which took a few minutes. At least I hadn't forgotten how to do that.

"Just beginning?"

She pulled back from me for a moment and took a good, hard look at me, but she never said a word. Just took my hand and pulled me behind her, through the saloon and into an office I hadn't been in before. Later on, when I had a chance to inspect the room, I realized the office had to belong to the lady I was holding.

"I missed you." Bless her heart, she knew all the right things to say. Before I could answer her, there was a pounding on the door, followed quickly by her mother's appearance.

"MY turn," Maude insisted as she took her daughter's place in my arms. The kissing settled down to the kind that Maude and I usually exchanged. Doralice stood to the side, knowing it was her I was coming back to. "You're too thin," Maude pronounced, which was nothing she hadn't told me before. For once I agreed with her. "I assume there's a reason for that."

"Yes, ma'am, and we can discuss it later. How are you?"

Maude grinned, but Doralice answered. "She's betrothed," was not what I expected to hear.

"She's what?"

The grin changed to a shy smile and Maude nodded her head. "Cristian asked and I said yes."

I had been gone far too long. Cristian de la Torres was Maude's attorney and had been for quite a while. The last time I paid any attention, the two had just begun seeing each other. Maude was a bit nervous at first because Cristian was younger than she was; when she asked my opinion I told her that age didn't matter. Evidently she believed me, from the happy look on her face. "When's the wedding?"

"We haven't set a date. Now that you're back in town we can take care of that."

I was surprised by her answer. "You waited for me?"

"Of course she did," Doralice affirmed. "They never would have started seeing each other if it wasn't for you."

"Besides, Cristian wants you to be his best man," Maude added.

"Me?"

"He feels just like I do. You encouraged us. He said there's no one he'd rather have. But you can't tell him you know – he wanted to ask you himself."

I even smiled at that one. "And just who is goin' to give the bride away?"

Maude got serious for a moment. "Beauregard. Who else?"

I started to laugh then, and I couldn't stop. Right now I felt a whole lot better than I had when me and Pappy were in the LB Bar. Doralice threw her arms around me and laughed right along with me.

XXXXXXXX

"You haven't asked me what happened." We were having supper at the hotel – actually, Doralice was having supper and I was watching her – when I made the remark. It was true, she hadn't asked me one question this whole evening.

"I figured you'd tell me when you felt like it."

I picked up my coffee cup and the fork. I did intend to eat the piece of apple pie sittin' in front of me, as soon as I got more coffee. One of the many things I appreciated about Doralice was the willingness to let me tell things in my own time, rather than peppering me with questions.

"The stay in Memphis was alright. The time in New Orleans . . . New Orleans was ugly."

She nodded and took another bite of steak. "Something happened."

"A whole lot of somethin's happened. All of it . . . "

"Ugly." That's when she put her knife and fork down and took one of my hands in hers. "Maude's working tonight. We can go back to the house and have some privacy."

"And some coffee?"

"Anything you want, handsome. Anything you want."

"I'd like that."

XXXXXXXX

I was sittin' in the front room on the settee, with the woman in my arms. The fire was warm and relaxing, and I felt comfortable enough to tell her everything that happened in Memphis. I stopped talking when I boarded the riverboat for the trip downstream, and we sat in relative silence for a while.

"Have you seen Bret since you left Memphis?"

My answer was quiet. "No."

"Where is he now?"

"In Topeka. With Ginny."

"Good." There was a pause before she clarified. "Good that he's not alone, I mean."

"Good that I'm not alone," I added.

She turned her face towards me and I kissed her. "Bart." Uh-oh. She quickly became serious. "About the something that happened." I stiffened up, waiting to see what came next. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Again, I was grateful for her understanding. "I will. Later." I relaxed and she pressed against me, and there were other things on my mind. I picked her up and carried her into the bedroom, and laid her gently on the bed. I lay down next to her and took her in my arms, and we stayed together like that until I fell asleep.

 _I was back in New Orleans again; this time there was no Matthew in sight. Doralice was with me, and we were running hand in hand through the streets. It was cold and foggy, and I was looking for someplace warm when I saw the building. It was the same dingy building I'd seen before, Weng-Fai Wong's, with the same pungent smell. I pulled her inside with me and breathed in deeply; the air was so thick with smoke that it didn't take much until I felt the effects. Doralice broke free of me and ran for the door. I watched her flee and knew I was powerless to do anything. I began yelling her name at the top of my lungs, but it did no good. She was gone in moments, and I was caught in a trap I didn't know how to escape . . ._

"Handsome! Handsome! Bart, wake up!" She was calling me and shaking me, and it was several minutes before she could rouse me. There was a look on her face that I'd never seen from her – somewhere between fear and revulsion. I didn't know if she was afraid of me or for me. . . but above all, I knew she didn't understand. I grabbed her and held her, and sobbed into her chest. I had to tell her the story of New Orleans – the truth, and all of it – or risk losing her. She stroked my hair and held onto me tightly until I quieted down; until it was finally silent again in the bedroom.

"I . . . I have to . . . tell you . . . about Matthew Langford. And me. And black opium."


	5. No Arguments

Chapter 5 – No Arguments

"Are you sure?"

I sat up and nodded my head. "I'm sure. But I need some coffee first. Real coffee."

Doralice suppressed a chuckle and got out of bed. "I'll go make a pot."

I watched her walk out of the room and into the kitchen. _'That's one hell of a woman,_ ' I thought to myself. _'I hope I can still call her mine when it's all said and done.'_

I got up and eventually followed her. When the coffee was made she poured us each a cup and we went back to sit in front of the fire. When I started talking my voice was shaky and I felt light-headed. "I went to New Orleans because there was a man there that owed me money. A man I thought of as a friend – Matthew Langford. I was wrong; not about the money, but about the friendship. And it almost got me killed." I paused just then, giving the matter some thought. I hadn't told the whole story to anyone, and I hoped I'd have enough courage to do so now. "Maybe I'd have been better off if it had."

Doralice had finished her coffee and set her cup down. Now she took my left hand in both of hers and held tight. "No. I wouldn't want . . . no."

"I hope you can still say that when I'm finished."

 _The first night I was in New Orleans, Matt found me. He must have had someone followin' me, because he knew too much about everything that happened in Memphis. He looked terrible. He was emaciated and dirty. He'd aged somethin' awful – his hair was graying, and he looked and sounded sick. He had a runny nose and a cough that wouldn't quit. I'd been lookin' at him all night and didn't recognize him. I didn't know what was wrong with him. I soon found out._

 _When I saw him again he looked even worse. I got him back to his place but he was too sick to leave there, so I took him to my hotel. I tried to help him; gettin' him to eat and cleaned up. The only thing he wanted was to go back to the opium den he frequented. I wouldn't take him there, and when he was strong enough to leave on his own, he did._

 _Three days later I saw him again, and I couldn't believe it was the same man. He was clean and sober, dressed in finery and soundin' like himself. He offered me a cigar, and we smoked together. The cigar was sweet smellin' and strong, and it had an irresistible pull. Matthew had left some personal things in my hotel room, and we went back there to retrieve them. We smoked another cigar before we went inside, and it was then I started to feel sick. Later I found out why._

 _I collapsed when we got into my hotel room. I was sicker than I'd been for a long time, and Matt stayed in the room and took care of me. He was every bit as attentive to my needs as I'd been to his; I still thought he was a friend. Back and forth we went; I'd get better and then I'd get sick again. One of the times when Matt wasn't around I managed to get out of the hotel and send Pappy a telegram; that's what saved me. I worsened, and Matt brought in a doctor; he insisted I'd had 'swamp fever' and administered laudanum. I was out of my head most of the time, between the smoke from Matt's cigars and the constant laudanum. I don't know how long it lasted; weeks, at least. When I realized what Matthew was doin' I refused to smoke any more of his cigars; he laced my food with the laudanum and kept me under his control. One day I finally realized that Pappy was there, in New Orleans and in the hotel room, and he threw Matt out and told him not to come back. That's when I started to get better._

 _It wasn't easy. Matt snuck in and offered a smoke; I couldn't resist and relapsed. I don't know how Pappy did it; he stayed with me day and night. He fed me and cleaned me like he did when I was a baby. It took a long time before I began to understand what had happened and why._

 _Pappy and James Langford were friends a long time ago, before Bret and I were born. It's a long, complicated story, but they ended up fightin' a duel in Louisiana and Langford was killed. Matthew waited years for revenge, and my destruction was that revenge. It was the best way he knew to hurt Pappy for what he considered murder._

 _As my health improved Pappy and I made plans to come home. Matt made one more attempt to accomplish his goal, and I had to shoot him when it became clear he was gonna kill Pappy._

"It was opium, wasn't it?"

I nodded, unable to speak. Through the whole story Doralice had never once let go of my hand, and she still held it as I grew silent.

"That's what caused all this?"

I nodded again. I tried to look at her and couldn't meet her gaze. She let go of my hand and placed her fingers under my chin, turning my face towards her. "And the nightmares?"

Finally, I found my voice. "Yes."

"Bentley and Lily Mae know about it?"

"Yes."

She wouldn't let me hang my head, and stared right into my eyes. "Will you stay here while I pack a bag?"

"A bag? What for?"

"I'm comin' back to the ranch with you."

There was no sense tryin' to convince her it wasn't necessary. She was stubborn; at least as stubborn as me, but with a reasonableness that I sometimes didn't possess. And after I thought about her idea it seemed to make sense. Maybe having somebody close that understood the whole ordeal would help.

"Alright."

She looked surprised. "You're not gonna argue with me?"

"No."

A tiny smile spread across her face before she got up and headed for her room. I was in the kitchen pouring more coffee when the front door opened and Maude appeared. Considering the way she found us most of the time when she came home, she was certainly startled to see me in the kitchen and alone. "Well, I didn't expect you to be up at this hour."

I hadn't paid any attention to the time. But I caught a quick glimpse of the outside sky as Maudie came in, and it looked to be almost sunrise. "Waitin' for Doralice. Want some coffee?"

Her face changed to a picture of confusion. "Waitin' for her? She goin' somewhere?"

"Yes, mother, I am. I'm goin' out to Ben Maverick's house."

"For the day?"

Doralice's voice softened. "I don't know how long I'll be gone."

It was obvious Maude had questions, but she didn't ask them. "Will you be at the saloon?" was the only thing I heard from her.

"No."

Maude looked straight at me and forced a smile. "I'll take that coffee now, Bart."


	6. Granddaddy

Chapter 6 – Granddaddy

We rode in silence out to Ben's house. I wanted to rent a buggy but Doralice said no, and rode double with me on Noble. He was a perfect gentleman the entire trip.

By the time we arrived breakfast was in full swing, and for once I was hungry. Maybe it was the influence of the woman I brought with me, maybe it was just because I hadn't eaten in a while. Either way, it would make Lily Mae happy. She wasn't the only one that was happy when Doralice walked into the kitchen with me.

Ben and Pappy stood as soon as they caught sight of her. Pappy kissed her hand, Ben just grinned from ear to ear. "To what do we owe this honor?"

"I've come to stay with Bart. I hope that's alright."

"Of course it is. You're welcome anytime."

I grasped Doralice by the hand and took her and her bag upstairs to my room. This was another time I was glad I'd evolved into a neat man, rather than the messy boy I'd been. She looked around and smiled. "I should have guessed."

"Let's go get breakfast," I told her as I set her bag on the bed. "I'm hungry."

The smile grew bigger. "Me, too."

XXXXXXXX

"Life's not real excitin' out here," I explained to Doralice after breakfast.

"Let's go down to the river," she countered.

"Alright. I've got a surprise in the barn."

We walked out to the barn and I introduced two of the ladies in my life to each other. Only thing was, I hadn't named the roan mare yet, so the introductions were sort of one-sided. "She's a pretty little thing," Doralice remarked as they got to know each other. "But no name yet?"

"Haven't come up with anything," was my reply. "You have any suggestions?"

"Hmmm. How about Blue?"

I gave that some thought, rolled it around in my head for a while and decided I liked it. "Alright. Blue it is. You can ride her and I'll take Noble." Two ears perked up at the sound of his name. "Sorry, bud, I forgot an apple. I'll get you one when we come back." He snorted and bobbed his head, and I was given a temporary reprieve from his displeasure. I saddled the horses and we were soon headed towards one of my favorite spots.

The morning passed quietly. We rode down to the river and stopped a while in two or three places, while I told Doralice stories about Bret, Beau and me growin' up. I think her favorite was the one where the three of us snuck down one hot summer night and went skinny dippin'. At least that was the one she laughed at the hardest.

We rode back to Ben's and she waited in the barn while I went into the house to retrieve my promise to Noble. When I came back out I found Miss Donovan sittin' on a bale of hay, havin' an extended conversation with somebody I hadn't seen for a while. "Well, where've you been keepin' yourself?" I asked Melody as she ran up to me and rubbed against my legs. I got that familiar 'Brrrrrrruuuppp' sound and had to laugh while Doralice just sat there with her mouth open, staring at the now full-grown cat. Next thing I knew I had an armful of white-faced brown tabby, who rubbed my chin happily and purred loudly.

"You are the most amazing man," my woman told me, while she chuckled and accepted the fur ball I handed her.

"Why?"

"You attract all the eccentric animals, that's why. Anymore around that I should know about?"

I shook my head as I withdrew a big, red apple from my coat pocket. Immediately two ears swiveled forward, and a buckskin head bobbed furiously up and down. "If you want this you have to stand still so I can get you unsaddled," I told Noble, and he stared at me with his brown, liquid eyes. I held it out in the palm of my hand and he took it from me, then proceeded to swallow it practically whole. I had a smaller one in my other pocket for Blue, but I'd wait to give it to her until Noble had been groomed and put away. "Can't help it that they recognize a kindred spirit," I finally told Doralice as I removed Noble's saddle.

I led him into his stall and started to curry him. I could hear Doralice discussing something with Melody, and it obviously pleased the cat because the air was filled with the sound of her 'Brrrrrrruuuppps', one after the other. Noble was a happy boy by the time I finished, and I rubbed his nose and left the stall.

Next was Blue. I'm not sure she knew what to expect, especially when I pulled the apple out and offered it to her. She took a nibble and decided it was a good thing, and ate the rest of the fruit much more daintily than Noble had ever thought of. I unsaddled her and gave her the same attention that I'd given the gelding, and by the time I was done both horses looked better. Me, I was tired.

"I'm worn out, Miss Donovan. I could stand a nap. Care to join me?"

"I would love to. Can we bring Melody inside?"

"We can. She was supposed to be a house cat. See what happens when I'm not around?"

The three of us made our way inside. The house was quiet except for Lily Mae's humming, which could be heard as far as the front room. Melody wanted down and Doralice let her go, and the cat scurried straight to Lily. It was obvious who had been feeding her in my absence.

"Miss Melody! Did you learn how to open the door?"

"She's not that talented, Lily," I insisted. "What happened to her not goin' outside?"

"She's not out there very often, just when she wants to visit with Gracie. Usually I hear her at the back door and let her in."

"And feed her, I see." I noticed that Miss Melody had not only gotten older, she'd gotten fatter.

"Uh, handsome." That was from Doralice; she and Lily Mae looked at each other and laughed.

"What?"

Doralice took pity on me. "Miss Melody has turned into Mrs. Melody."

I was slow, as usual. "You mean we're gonna have . . . "

"Yeah, we are." Kittens were obviously in the future for the Maverick cat.

"I'm gonna be a granddaddy," I announced, and promptly yawned.

"Let's get you up to bed, grandpa." Doralice hooked her arm through mine and walked me up the staircase and down to 'our' room. She grabbed her bag before I could get to it and set it on the chair. "That will wait till later."

Now that we were actually in the room my mind was drifting to something besides sleep. Doralice had other ideas for once, and helped me off with my coat and vest. "Sit down so I can get your boots."

"No, ma'am. I can take off my own boots. You worry about yourself." Five minutes later I was lying in bed watching the most delightful sight – a beautiful woman undressing. My woman undressing. The effort of the day's activities quickly caught up with me, and I was asleep before she finished.

I didn't have any dreams; I didn't have any nightmares. I woke once with Doralice in my arms and went right back to sleep. Some time later I opened my eyes and my arms were empty; but there was a warm, furry body curled up against my back, the way she'd positioned herself on our first night together. I searched the room and I was alone, but there were voices downstairs. Pappy, Uncle Ben, Lily Mae, Doralice, and Cousin Beau. Cousin Beau! And when I listened carefully, I heard a voice that I didn't recognize. A female voice. Beau was home, and he'd definitely brought someone with him.


	7. Perfect Companion

Chapter 7 – Perfect Companion

Everyone stopped talking when they saw me. There was just a moment's hesitation, and then Beau was on his feet and had me in a bear hug, albeit a fairly gentle one. "Cousin Bart!"

"Hello, Beau. How are you?"

It was hard to tell how much Beau knew about New Orleans; his demeanor gave nothing away. I glanced at the new person at the table as she rose and walked to where Beau stood; there was something vaguely familiar about her. She was small and dark-haired and it was hard to pinpoint exactly how old she was. I just had the nagging feeling I'd met her somewhere before.

"Bart, this is Leticia Meyers. Leticia, my Cousin Bart."

Of course. Now I remembered. "Cousin Beau, your memory is worse than mine. Hello, Lettie, how are you?"

She smiled demurely. "I'm fine, Bart, but I don't use that name anymore. Now I go by Leticia, if you don't mind."

It had been years since I'd seen her; the last time was in Silver Creek, Montana. Beau and I had met Lettie Meyers the first night we were in the original Three Maverick's Saloon, burned to the ground long ago and rebuilt as The Four Maverick's. She'd put forth her best effort to be more than friends with Beau, but he'd expressed no interest in her and fell in love with the saloon manager, Georgia Mayfield, instead. So the impolite question became – what was he doing with her now?

I had enough problems of my own and could wait until later to have my questions answered. Doralice was by my side in just a moment, apologizing for something or other. I had to pay closer attention to catch what she was telling me. " . . . I wouldn't have left you alone, but Melody was with you and I was awake when Beau and Leticia got here."

I pulled her close to me and leaned down. "It's alright. I was fine. We'll talk about it later."

I turned back to Leticia and could read the curiosity on her face. "I don't look much better than I did the last time we saw each other. If I remember correctly, I'd just been through a fire. I assure you, I haven't looked like this all these years."

Doralice's grip on me tightened. "He's been . . . quite ill. But he's on the mend now, I'm happy to say."

Lettie nodded. "I'm sorry to hear that – about the illness, I mean. He went through more than enough back in Montana. That seems so long ago now."

"Maybe not as long ago as we think," I couldn't help but add. I couldn't read Beau; maybe we'd spent too much time apart since his wife died. I found it rather unsettling that a woman he'd once rejected was the woman he'd chosen to bring home to the family. Times change, I guess, and so do tastes. Of course, the Leticia standing in the Maverick kitchen didn't sound like the Lettie we'd met in Silver Creek.

"How are you, Bart? It's been a while since we've seen each other." That was an understatement, coming from Cousin Beau. True, Bret and I had spent a good deal of time workin' with Pinkerton and Ginny Malone, but Beau had kept himself up north most of that time, too. How a born and bred Texas boy could stand all that cold weather was beyond me. Maybe that's how he and Lettie had finally gotten involved. She was there to help keep him warm.

Maybe I was being too cynical. "Truth be told, Cousin Beau, I've been better and I've been worse. Looks like your life has gotten brighter."

Beau put his arm around Lettie and smiled. "It has. It has indeed."

I rested my hand on his shoulder. "I'm happy for you, Cousin. You're here for a while? We can catch up later?"

"Sure, Bart. Whatever's good for you."

I looked down at the woman that had hold of me and told her, "I'm goin' back upstairs for a while."

The concern in her eyes was visible. "I'm coming with you."

"You don't have to." I wasn't anything but worn out; not sleepy, just in need of more rest. Besides, it would give Ben and Beau a chance to spend time with each other without having to tiptoe around me.

"No, I don't have to. But I want to."

"Alright." I leaned down and kissed her cheek, and we started for the stairs. Pappy got up from the table and followed us.

"A nap sounds like a real good idea right now, boy." He turned his head towards his nephew. "Beau, you and your Pa can have a nice long visit." There was nothing more said as the three of us made our way upstairs. But I felt Pappy's hand on my shoulder when we got to his room. "You need anything, son, you let me know."

I nodded, and Doralice and I continued down the hall.

XXXXXXXX

We spent the rest of the day in my room. I napped, we talked, finally Doralice unpacked, and I made room for the clothes she'd brought to be hung up. "Told you nothin' exciting happens around here."

She laughed, that delicious bubbly laugh she had, and even though we'd done nothing much today, I felt better. "You're enough excitement, all by yourself. I don't think I need any more."

"Shall we go back downstairs and see who's here?" I asked.

"Why not? But I think we oughta have a few more clothes on before we do." She had a point. I put on a shirt and boots, Doralice slipped her dress back on. I pulled her close and kissed her, and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. After just one day with her I was calmer, more settled than I'd been for a long while. We headed back downstairs and found Beau and Lettie in the front room drinking coffee. There was no sign of anyone else, not even Lily Mae. Doralice went to pour us some coffee and I sat down next to my cousin. Within moments I had a furry brown beast in my lap and was in the process of being 'Brrrrrrruuuppped' to death. Beau didn't say anything but Lettie curled her lips, as if something smelled bad.

"You don't like cats?" I asked. Of course I didn't consider Melody just any cat; she'd decided long ago that I was her mommy. Or daddy, if you prefer.

"They're dirty," came the reply.

Barn cats might be a bit less tidy by the very nature of where they lived, but Melody was fastidiously clean. "Not this one. She's just like the rest of the Maverick's – always well groomed." Lettie might have had more to say, but Doralice arrived with the coffee and Melody found another place to sit. "So tell me, Leticia, what have you been doing since you quit The Four Maverick's?"

Lettie had stayed with the saloon for almost a year after Beau's wife Georgia died, then left town. I had no idea she'd come back to Silver Creek at some point, but then, why would I? Beau never spoke of her, and none of us had any idea that he was the least bit interested. But this Lettie was different from the Lettie we'd all known in Montana. The girl in Montana had been a whirlwind – bubbly and full of life. Everybody's friend and always wanting to have a good time. She worked hard but she played hard, too. The woman next to Cousin Beau was quiet and constricted, as if trying to be anyone but herself. I didn't much care for this version of Lettie Meyers.

It took a minute before she answered me. "I worked as a seamstress for a while in Barker's Corners. Then I ran a dress shop in Sundown. Finally I went back to Silver Creek and got my old job back, as night manager of The Four Maverick's. Then Beau asked me to travel with him, and I've been doing that ever since."

"That's kinda funny. I guess you could call me the night manager of Maude's, couldn't you, handsome?" Doralice asked. Lettie started to say something, but Doralice continued, "Of course, Maude is my mother, so I kinda co-own the place."

A rather small "oh" was all that came out of Lettie's mouth. Cousin Beau stepped in to explain. "I just didn't want to be by myself anymore. I'd had enough of that, after Georgia . . . passed away, so I asked Leticia to go with me. I thought it would be good for both of us."

"Just as long as you're happy, Beau. That's the only thing that matters."

His answer was hesitant, like he was tryin' to convince himself. "I . . . am, Bart."

Quietly, almost like she was another cat in the house, Lily Mae appeared at the entrance to the room. "Anybody interested in supper?"

She received three 'yes' votes in quick succession. When I didn't say anything, she asked, "Mr. B? What about you?"

"Not really, Lily Mae. Maybe some more coffee."

Lettie all but gasped. "Bart, you're bone thin! You have to eat something." Beau made a quick grab for her hand, but she continued. "If you were as sick as Beau said, you must get your strength back! Not eating isn't good for you!"

I'm sure what she said was true, but it wasn't something I wanted to hear. "Maybe it isn't, Leticia, but it's what I prefer."

"But, you can't . . . "

I got up and headed for the front door. "I'm goin' out for a smoke. Y'all go ahead and eat."

"Bart . . . " This was Doralice, but I'd had enough for the moment and just kept walking. When I got out on the porch I found that I wasn't alone, as the cat had scooted out the front door right behind me.

"Alright, Missy, but you're gonna hafta let me smoke and not complain."

The momma-to-be never made a sound, just jumped up in the rocker next to me and sat there silent. As far as I was concerned right now, the perfect companion.


	8. Little Things

Chapter 8 – Little Things

 _The flames shot higher and higher in the air as everything burned; tables, chairs, walls, everything. I'd taken a bullet in the right arm and damn, it hurt, but not nearly as much as it would if I went up in flames with the rest of the saloon. Logan Doran was dead; I'd killed him. Now I was trapped inside the inferno of his making, and I knew there was no escape. The front doors of the saloon were locked, and I didn't have a key; the back doors were already burning. The smoke was so thick I couldn't breathe. I thought about yelling but there was no one to hear me, and I knew I was gonna die._

I fought my way out of the bed and was halfway down the hall before I opened my eyes. There was no fire, no flames to burn me alive. Only me, running away from nothing in the dark. I stopped and fell back against the wall, sliding down it until I was sittin' on the floor. I choked out a sob when I realized another of the opium nightmares had gotten me, this one from the night in Montana when the Three Maverick's Saloon burned to the ground. The night that Connie Everly had saved me from being murdered by her ex-partner.

I was still sittin' on the floor when Doralice found me. I'd only been there a few minutes, but it was long enough. I didn't hear her; all of a sudden I felt her soft hand in mine and knew she was there. "Another nightmare?" she whispered, and all I could do was nod. "About New Orleans?"

"No," I managed to answer her, "Montana."

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me to my feet with her. I was tired of crazy dreams that were sometimes more real than the things I saw with my eyes open. This was the first one I'd had about something besides New Orleans, and I figured it was because of Lettie.

"Let's go back to bed."

I pulled away from her. "I can't," I choked out. "You go." I staggered down the hall, all the way to the staircase and then down to the kitchen. Lily Mae was up already, and she automatically reached for the coffee pot and cups. I nodded and sat at the table; she poured one for me and one for herself and sat down across from me.

"I didn't hear nothin' this time, Mr. B." Her voice was steady and hopeful.

I drank some coffee but said nothing – she'd made a statement, not asked a question. We sat in silence, but I could tell that Lily wanted to say something else, so I finally asked. "What is it, Lily?"

"Did you have one?"

"A nightmare, you mean? I did, but it wasn't about New Orleans."

"What then?"

If anybody else had asked the question I might not have answered them, but this was Lily Mae. She wasn't being nosy, she was trying to find out what she could do to help me. She was the only momma I'd known since I was five years old, and she was determined to do everything she could to make me whole again.

"Montana."

She poured more coffee and rubbed her chin. "Because of her?"

"Lettie, you mean? I don't know."

Another few minutes passed before Lily spoke again. "I don't like her."

That was unusual. Lily Mae liked and got along with most everybody, but I'd never heard her be so decisive in her feelings before, especially negative ones.

"Any particular reason?"

"Plenty of 'em. Most of all, I don't trust her." Lily Mae had hold of the coffee pot and was ready to pour us another cup when Cousin Beau wandered in, yawning.

"What time of the night is it, anyway?"

I glanced out the back window. "If we had a rooster it'd be crowin'."

Lily Mae laughed. "Now you know why we don't have a rooster no more." She got up and retrieved a cup for Beau. "Any interest in an early breakfast?"

I shook my head no, Beau nodded yes. He had the Maverick appetite, too. "Won't gain any of that weight back if you don't eat, Bart."

"Foods . . . just got no taste, Beau. It's like eatin' paper. And you been payin' too much attention to Lettie."

"Leticia. Please don't call her Lettie. It upsets her."

"It upsets her, or it upsets you?"

I got a disgruntled look from Beau, but no answer. Something about this whole situation was botherin' him, but it was evident he didn't want to talk about it. I was willing to let it go for now; I was too busy with things that were botherin' me, too. Didn't sound like Lily Mae felt the same way.

"It's a good question, Beau. Isn't 'Lettie' fancy enough for ya?"

"It's got nothin' to do with me, Lily. It's up to Leticia, and she doesn't like it."

Lily Mae put biscuits in the oven and looked at me. "You go out and get some eggs for me?"

I smiled at the easy way she changed the subject. "Got no boots on, Lily."

Beau stood up and we all stared at his feet. He was already wearin' boots. "I'll go. How many you want?"

"Whatever you can find. Thanks, Beau." Cousin Beau nodded and went out the back door, headed for the chicken coop. Lily turned to me. "Bit touchy, ain't he?"

I shook my head. For now I'd keep my suspicions to myself. "We're all touchy about somethin'." I got up and headed for the stairs. "I'll be back down in a minute." I had some apologizing to do, and the sooner I did it, the better.

XXXXXXXX

Doralice was still in bed, but she was awake. "Morning."

She looked up at me and smiled. "Morning."

"I'm sorry." I sat down on the edge of the bed and did my best to look apologetic.

"For what?"

"Earlier. The way I left. You deserve better." I bent down and kissed her, and she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer. And for the first time since I'd arrived back in Little Bend the only thing in the world that mattered was right here in this room, in this bed, in my arms. I could tell we were gonna miss breakfast.

XXXXXXXX

It was more than an hour before we got back downstairs. As soon as Lily Mae saw us, there was a big smile on her face, and she poured two coffee cups full and opened the oven door. Freshly made biscuits, with plenty of gravy to go along with 'em, appeared on plates in front of us. "Eggs?"

"Yes, ma'am," I answered her, and her smile grew ever bigger. It was nice to know that I'd made two different women happy this morning.

"Can I help you, Lily?" Doralice asked. "I do know how to cook."

"You just sit still and eat breakfast. You already got your hands full with that one." She nodded at me as she fried the eggs.

When we were done eating Doralice washed dishes and I dried, a task I regularly performed for Lily Mae. "Let's go to Claytonville," I suggested, and Doralice eagerly agreed.

"There's a dress I saw the last time Maude and me were there in the dress shop. It's kinda blue and . . . just wait till you see it. I think you'll like it."

"You go get dressed. I'll get the buggy ready."

"You're in a better frame of mind," Lily remarked as I headed for the back door.

"Why not? I've made my two best girls happy this mornin'. Is there anything you need, Lily Mae?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, there is. I've got a whole list of little things you can pick up for me. That alright by you?"

I kissed my surrogate momma on the head. "As long as it makes you happy."

"This mornin' I'm very happy," she told me as I left the house. "Very happy indeed."


	9. Beauty and the Beast

Chapter 9 – Beauty and the Beast

 **Note to my Readers: I am sorry I disappeared, I was in the hospital. At some point I will have to go back in, so if I quit posting again it is because I am not at home. I will post a chapter a day as long as I can stay on this side of the computer. God Bless you all!**

Claytonville had grown quite a bit since I was fifteen and contemplating robbing the Providence Club. It was a plan hatched by Earnie Night and ultimately rejected by Fred Taylor and me, in an unusual moment of clarity for fifteen-year-olds. It took a couple of hours to get there by buggy but it was a pleasant trip – Doralice and me talked most of the way.

There were three saloons and a hotel, a barber shop, a tobacco store and a dress shop. Then there was the Wells Fargo office, a café, a gun shop and several other offices. I even saw a land surveying company and a brand new jail, along with a large general store and the aforementioned Providence Club. And last but not least, an elegant looking restaurant named Cattleman's Deluxe.

"What do you wanna do first?" I asked as we pulled up in front of the hotel.

"Get a room?" Doralice responded. We'd talked about staying overnight and decided it was a good idea; the mansion seemed a little crowded at the moment.

"Yes, ma'am," I agreed as I got out of the buggy. Once we had a room, shopping seemed to be the next order of business. We took care of Lily Mae's shopping list first, then stopped at the tobacco store so I could buy some trustworthy cigars. Next was the gun shop – I'd surrendered my derringer to the New Orleans police and needed a new one. I felt a little more secure once it resided in my shoulder holster.

Finally, we went to the dress shop. I offered to wait for Doralice elsewhere if that's what she wanted, but she preferred I stay with her. So there I sat, in Miss Millie's Shop for Ladies, while my lady tried on everything she could find. Or so it seemed. I was still waiting for the final verdict when the door opened and in walked two people I had once known well, Simon and Althea Petry.

To be fair, Althea looked very much like Doralice had when we walked in – preoccupied and totally enthralled by something she had seen in the window or in the shop. She barely glanced my way and seemed completely distracted. Simon looked right at me, however, for almost a full minute, and there was not a drop of recognition in his gaze. Maybe it was the place, maybe it was the town, maybe it was me. When he stopped less than two feet from me I finally spoke up. "Doctor Petry, I presume?"

His head swiveled around in confusion as he recognized the voice but little else. "Bart?" he asked incredulously. "Bart Maverick?"

I stood then and offered my hand. Only it didn't look like my hand; except for the pinky ring it looked exactly like Matthew Langford's hand had looked the first night I saw him – what had I called it then, emaciated and bony? I quickly withdrew the claw I'd extended and tipped my hat instead. "Your eyes ain't playin' tricks on you Simon, it's really me."

He was at a loss for words. "Bart, I . . . is it really . . . is it really you? My God, what happened, man?" Simon realized what he'd said too late, and turned a vivid shade of red. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Are you alright? What happened?" He quickly grabbed my hand with his and we shook, a bit late.

"There's no need to apologize, Simon. I've been . . . ill. Very ill. I'm just beginnin' the road to recovery, I'm afraid, and can't blame anyone for not knowin' me."

"And you're in a dress shop with . . . ?"

I almost laughed; Doralice and Althea had already greeted each other like long-lost sisters, while Simon and me stumbled around like two bulls who suddenly find themselves in the same corral. I pointed to the ladies, busily chatting away. "Doralice Donovan, who else?"

"What are you two doing in Claytonville?" Simon adeptly steered the conversation away from how ghastly I must look to a more neutral topic.

"There's an over-abundance of bodies at the mansion right now. We just wanted to get away for a while."

"We? Are you and Doralice . . . "

"She's stayin' with me at Uncle Ben's while I fight through this . . . condition. How are you and Althea doin'? How's the baby?"

Simon looked relieved to have a different subject to discuss. "Not such a baby anymore. She's with my mother right now. Is Bret at home, too?"

Natural curiosity, given the state of Simon and Bret's relationship. "No, he's in Topeka with Ginny Malone. But Cousin Beau is at the house, and he has a lady with him. Like I said, just a little crowded at the moment."

Doralice and Althea joined us, and I got a hug from Althea. The four of us stood and talked for a minute or two, and before I knew it, arrangements had been made for us to meet at Cattlemen's Deluxe for supper. The Petry's went on with their shopping; I took the package Doralice carried and we returned to the hotel. "Did you get what you wanted?" I asked her needlessly, hoping to avoid a discussion of Simon's failure to recognize me.

"I did, and I'll wear it tonight. Are you alright with the supper engagement?"

I nodded my head. "As long as Simon doesn't want to examine me," I assured her.

"And what if he does, just to be sure you're really on the road to recovery?"

"No."

"Bart . . . "

"No."

"Bart, do you want to . . . "

"No."

She persisted. "Do you want to go for a buggy ride?"

I gathered her into my arms. "I'm sorry. I thought . . . "

"I know what you thought," she answered me before I could finish. "I wouldn't ask you to do something you didn't wanna do."

"I think a buggy ride would be a great idea. There's this pretty little lake . . . " That's when I kissed her. I couldn't help it, she was looking up at me with those beautiful aqua blue eyes, and I reached down and kissed her. Her lips were tender and warm, and I started to feel the same way I'd felt this morning before we ate breakfast.

"Still wanna go for that buggy ride?" Her question was just as tender as her lips.

"Later," I answered, as I kissed her again.

XXXXXXXX

We did, indeed, go for the buggy ride, and spent the afternoon enjoying each other's company. That is one of the things I appreciate most about this woman – her ability to discuss anything at almost any time. Self-educated and well read, we always have things to talk about. I never find myself bored. I hope she feels the same.

Our supper engagement with the Petry's was at Cattleman's Deluxe. Doralice wanted to wear her new dress and required time to get ready, so I changed clothes and went down to have coffee in the hotel dining room. I'd been there about twenty minutes when a vision in aqua presented herself at the door, and I hastened to pay for my coffee and escort the beauty to the restaurant. It's funny, I'd nicknamed Ginny Malone 'Beauty' and called her that from the first day we met her, yet the woman that walked with me was every bit as lovely. "Sorry you have such a pitiful lookin' escort tonight."

She tightened her grip on my arm. "I'm with the most handsome man in town, I'll have you know. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. He saved my life. And . . . "

Doralice stopped walking and talking at the same moment, and I stopped and waited for her to finish her sentence. It took just a minute, and it wasn't what I expected to hear. But right then I was awful glad I heard it.

" . . . I love him."


	10. What a Prize

Chapter 10 – What a Prize

We got to Cattleman's Deluxe a bit early and were seated. I ordered a bottle of red wine and we had already enjoyed a glass by the time the Petry's arrived. I have to admit, I felt a little better once I'd had the glass of wine. Simon and Althea joined us, and soon another bottle of wine was ordered.

Dinner was pleasant. They didn't serve the best food I've ever tasted; they didn't serve the worst. The conversation stayed friendly and light-hearted – nothing was asked of anyone that they didn't want to answer. We were almost home free and were drinking coffee when the question was finally asked, but it wasn't by Simon. It was Althea that raised the issue.

"You weren't in Little Bend when you got sick, were you, Bart?"

I shook my head slowly. "No, Althea, I was in New Orleans."

"And Beauregard went to Louisiana to take care of you, didn't he?"

My answer was even slower this time. Finally I told her, "Yes, he did."

"How long was he there?" This question came from Simon.

"Weeks."

I glanced over at Doralice, and she was beginnin' to get that protective look in her eyes. It was almost like having a much younger version of Lily Mae with me. Then Simon asked the one thing I'd been waiting for and dreading all evening. "What did you have, Bart? Was it Malaria?"

I would have liked to ignore the question, but I knew that I couldn't. So I told him just what Matthew had told me. "No, Simon. The doctor in New Orleans called it swamp fever."

There was a long, silent pause while Petry digested the lie I'd just fed him. When he looked at me there was no doubt in my mind that he knew it was a lie. "Oh, I see. Swamp fever. That stuff can really be deadly if you don't catch it in time." We drifted off to another subject and I breathed a small sigh of relief. Could it really be that easy? Ultimately, the answer was 'no.'

Simon and Althea had walked to Cattleman's Deluxe, so we shared the buggy with them back to the hotel. I was about to head upstairs with Doralice when I felt Simon's hand on my arm. "Join me for one more cup of coffee?" he asked.

"I really am worn out, Simon," I protested.

"Come on, just for a few minutes. God only knows how long it'll be before we see each other again."

I wanted to say no, but I didn't. "Alright. I'll be up in a few minutes, Doralice," and I kissed her on the cheek.

"Be careful," she told me, and walked upstairs with Althea.

"Protective of you, isn't she?" Simon asked once we were settled in at the table and had coffee in front of us.

"She is," I answered, and waited.

"Bart, you know that 'swamp fever' is a euphemism for a lot of things, don't you?"

"I know that."

"What was it, really? Opium?"

It hadn't taken Simon long to figure that out, had it? I made him wait for the answer for a few minutes longer. "Yes."

"How? You're too smart to get hooked up with that stuff."

At least Simon gave me some credit. Probably more than I deserved. "It's a long story, Simon. But it wasn't voluntary on my part."

"Someone did this to you?" He was horrified – I could tell by the tone in his voice. I could also tell that he believed me, that I didn't have to explain the whole mess in Louisiana, and how I'd gotten into it.

"Without my consent, yes."

"And you still have no appetite?"

"You saw what I ate at supper. That's about all I can manage."

"You having night terrors?"

I laughed at that question. "Night terrors, day terrors, anytime I close my eyes terrors. I think that's the worst part."

Simon shook his head and looked . . . unhappy? Discouraged? Full of pity? "I wish I could help you through it . . . but there's not much to be done. Except wait it out. The nightmares will start to fade and your appetite will come back. How long it'll take, I don't know. Why don't you come see me after you get back to Little Bend? There's a couple things we can try that might help with some of it."

Simon wasn't promising anything, but he'd gone out of his way to be supportive without prying. I felt better about accepting whatever help he could offer. "Alright, I will. But this stays between you and me. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

This time I offered my hand without reservations. "Thanks, Simon. I appreciate it."

We walked up the steps together; the Petry's were right down the hall from our room. I knocked softly on the door and Doralice answered it. "You're still dressed," I remarked unnecessarily.

"In case I was needed for somethin'."

"I need you for somethin'. Does that count?"

She smiled shyly as she slipped into my arms. "Yes, sir, it sure does."

XXXXXXXX

I woke up sometime during the night. My head was throbbing and I couldn't breathe. I pulled away from Doralice and managed to get out of bed without waking her, and staggered over to a chair on the other side of the room. The window was partially open to allow fresh air in, and I opened it the rest of the way. It helped some, but not a lot. I was wet with sweat and felt like the walls were closing in on me. I had to get outside, so I dressed as quickly as I could and slipped out the door.

There was no moon and it was almost pitch black out there; I had to walk carefully so I didn't end up flat on my face. The only good thing about being out in the night air was the breeze; it was cool and comforting, and after a few minutes I began to feel better than I had in the hotel room. I moved around to the back alley of the buildings so I could stay off the boardwalk; dirt was much quieter when you stepped on it. My head was still throbbing and I needed to sit down. I found a back door to one of the saloon's and sat down in the dirt beside it.

I don't know how long I sat there. After a while I didn't feel much of anything, just kind of numb. I must have dozed off, because the sky had just begun to lighten the next time my eyes were open. I tried to stand and my legs were stiff – once I got to my feet I staggered against the building and fell, leaving a bloody gash across my forehead. I was in worse shape than I'd been when I was stumbling around in the dark.

I wanted nothing more than to find my way back to the hotel, but I'd lost all sense of direction. I managed to make my way to the front of the saloon just in time to trip over the same boardwalk I'd avoided the night before. I must have been a sight – my clothes were dirty, my face was bloody, and I was flat on my back on the boardwalk. What a prize I was!

I rolled over onto my stomach, and that's when I saw her. Doralice was practically running down the street towards me, and she had the most terrified expression on her face. I waved my hand at her and she slowed down until she got to my side, then let out a little gasp when she saw the blood. "What happened?"

"It's a long story," I told her. "Can we please go back to the hotel? I feel like the child that tried to run away from home."

"Of course we can. Can you get up or do you need help?"

"I just need a little steadying," I replied, and she provided that while I got to my feet.

"I woke up and you were gone," she explained once we had me up and leaning heavily on her shoulders as I limped up the street.

"Couldn't breathe. Had to get outside and get some air, and I got lost. Sat behind a saloon most of the night. Fell when I tried to get up. Didn't want to worry you."

"You scared me half to death. Was there another nightmare? I never heard you leave the room."

"No, no nightmare. Just had to get out. Too hot. Sorry."

"It's alright, we're almost there. Can you get up the stairs once we're inside?"

I nodded, but I didn't know if she'd seen me or not. "Sure. Long as you're with me."

Once back in the hotel room, I collapsed on the bed and closed my eyes. Next thing I knew I felt the touch of a wet rag as Doralice attempted to clean the blood from my forehead. I winced and I heard her murmur, "It's alright, baby. It's alright."

That's the last thing I remember.


	11. Trouble in Paradise

Chapter 11 – Trouble in Paradise

When I opened my eyes I expected to find aqua-blue orbs starin' down at me. Instead I saw a chin that needed to be shaved. Simon, no doubt in my mind. "Hey, partner. Welcome back."

Welcome back? I didn't remember goin' anywhere. At least I didn't right away. Then it came back slowly; the heat, the dark, the dirt, the falling down I kept doing. I started to reach for my forehead, but Simon caught my hand and stopped me. "It's bandaged already."

"Was it that bad?" I asked rather weakly.

"No, I've seen worse, but you are a Maverick – and you bleed like one. So, as a precaution . . . "

The room was quiet, like we were the only two in it. "Doralice?"

Simon chuckled slightly. "Downstairs with Althea getting lunch."

"Lunch?" It was just barely morning, the last I remembered.

"Lunch. You've been out for quite a while, Bart."

"Can I . . . sit up?"

"Sure you won't fall out of bed?"

"Did I do that?"

"You tried. Fortunately I'd just sat down and I wasn't going to let you go anywhere."

"Like last night. Couldn't stay on my feet."

"That's what Doralice said. What were you doing outside, anyway?"

"Woke up and couldn't breathe. Had to get some air."

"Night sweats, too?"

"Yeah."

The questions stopped, momentarily, at least. Simon helped me sit up in bed just as Doralice and Althea returned to the room.

"You're awake!" Doralice sounded surprised.

"I am? Oh, yes, I am. Sorry."

"Can we go home now?"

Simon shook his head. "I think you better wait another day. Let's give that head wound a chance to heal a little."

"I can drive the buggy. At least if we're back at the ranch the grounds will be familiar." God bless the woman, always thinkin' ahead.

Doctor Petry gave the suggestion careful consideration. "Alright, but only if you let us follow you."

"That's not . . . " I started.

"That'll be fine." I was overruled by my lady. "How soon can you be ready to go?"

"I have to pack," Althea answered. "Maybe an hour."

"Good. We can get some food in this man before we leave."

"We?" I questioned Simon.

"Don't want you going down stairs by yourself. At least not today."

"What about coming up stairs?"

Petry shook his head. "You won't have to. I'll come up and get the luggage."

I relented. "Alright. Let me get dressed."

I was over-ruled on that one, too. "I'll help with that." Doralice was firm.

It took a few minutes but I finally looked presentable, and the three of us started downstairs. Truth be told it was a good thing that Simon was with us, because I lost my balance in a spot or two. By the time I was done eating, the ladies were packed and ready to go. It took another hour to get everything loaded and squared away, and I felt a bit silly when Doralice took the reins. But I was happy to be headin' back to Little Bend; as had been mentioned earlier, at least I knew my way around the ranch and wouldn't be stumblin' in the dark on unfamiliar ground.

The trip home was about as eventful as the trip there had been, and by the time the sun started to go down we pulled up in front of Ben's house. Lily Mae was the first one out and was grateful that Simon had been in Claytonville to lend a helping hand. Eventually Pappy and Uncle Ben came out to get everything put away, and Pappy was a lot more cordial to the Petry's than he'd been in a long time. Doralice insisted I go back to bed, and Simon agreed with her. "Just for today," the doctor affirmed, "Tomorrow you can go back to your normal routine." I finally gave in, just so I wouldn't have to listen to the two of 'em gangin' up on me.

Once Simon and Althea were on their way, I argued that I would be much more comfortable in front of the fire with everyone else than I would be upstairs in bed by myself. Doralice saw the wisdom in that, hoping that I would stay put once my family was around me and she had help keeping an eye on me. I was content to toe the line; my head still hurt, and everyone had gone out of their way to take care of me. There was no sense in misbehaving any further.

Supper was ready and everyone ate – I even managed a small plate of food. Beau and Lettie were awfully quiet and everything seemed peaceful. At least right now.

XXXXXXXX

I'm not exactly sure just when the fight started. Not a physical fight, of course, just a rapidly escalating argument that seemed to get out of hand. Sometime after supper everyone had adjourned to the front room, with me sitting closest to the fire. Doralice was to my immediate right, then Pappy, Ben, Lily Mae, Beau, and Lettie. We were talking about The Four Mavericks' saloon up in Montana, and what had been goin' on there since the rebuilding.

"Jody and Beck still aren't married – they just don't seem able to find the time. Between Beck's practice and the saloon, they're busy day and night." That was Beau's take on the matter.

"I wondered why I hadn't gotten a summons to give the bride away. Isn't it about time they forgot about work and concentrated on each other?" If ever two people should be married, it was my 'sister' Jody and Doctor Beckham Dooley.

"She won't listen to anybody anymore. Just keeps expanding and improving the saloon, and encouraging Doc to do the same with his clinic. Stubborn woman." There was more than a trace of hostility and bitterness in Lettie's voice, and I wondered what it all meant. The last letter I got from Jody was almost six months ago, and she didn't mention Lettie or her leaving at all.

Maybe no one else saw the look that Beau aimed at Lettie, but I did. He wasn't at all happy with her, or her remarks; I'm not sure which.

"Maybe that's what makes her happy," Uncle Ben remarked.

"Hmpf," was the only sound from Lettie.

"Well, at least if she's stubborn she comes by it honestly. Every one of us has the same problem," Pappy added.

"Some of us more than others," I finished.

"I think – "

"That's enough, Leticia," Beau interrupted her. "Jody and Beck have the right to live their lives any way they want without you constantly criticizin' 'em." Beau's tone was soft and gentle, but it lit a fire under the girl.

"I'm entitled to my opinion, Beau," she snapped back at him.

"Yes, you are, and I'm entitled to some relief from listenin' to you express it. You don't approve of Jody and Beck. Maybe they don't approve of you, either. But they don't try to beat you into the ground with it."

Was this the cause of the discord between the two of them? Like I said before, somethin' was bothering Beau, and he'd been real close-mouthed about just what it was. I tried to change the subject, unsuccessfully, as it turned out. "What about you and Leticia, Beau? You got any future travel plans?"

"We can go anywhere Beau wants to, as long as it's not back to Silver Creek." Lettie had swung the conversation back her way again.

"Why is that, Leticia?" Ben asked innocently.

Before Lettie could say anything, Cousin Beau got up and left the room. The girl quickly got out of her chair and followed him, and it was only a few seconds before voices were heard in the kitchen, arguing. The volume increased until every word they yelled at each other could be heard quite clearly.

"You couldn't let it go, could you?"

"No, I couldn't. What do you expect, after the way I was treated?"

"That was months ago, Leticia. Don't you ever forget anything?"

"Could you forget it if someone called you a whore?"

There was dead silence for more than a minute, then Beau's voice said somethin' that we couldn't quite make out. Just a few seconds later a slap echoed through the house, followed by footsteps running from the hall and up the stairs. "Lettie!" Beau yelled, and it was evident from the racket that he'd run upstairs after her. The sound of a door slamming concluded the fight, and all downstairs fell silent once again.

"Trouble in paradise." Trust Pappy to make the remark. Doralice reached over and took my hand, giving it a squeeze.

"I don't think that's paradise," Lily Mae added.

Ben finally commented. "And that's more than trouble."


	12. Live or Leave

Chapter 12 – Live or Leave

"Do you have any idea what that was about?" The question came from Doralice after we were back upstairs for the night.

"Not really. The only thing I can be sure of is this – if somebody called Lettie a whore, it wasn't Jody."

"Would her fiancé?"

"Beck? I can't imagine it."

"That doesn't give us an answer, does it?"

I shook my head as I pulled off my boots. "Nope. But somebody sure did. And Lettie hasn't forgotten it."

I stood up to remove my shirt and got dizzy from movin' too fast. Doralice saw me sway and had me wrapped in her embrace before I could fall. "Move a little slower, please. Simon's not here to stop you from bleedin' this time."

I put my arms around her and pulled her as close as I could get her. Sometime between last night, when I was too warm, and tonight, I'd gotten cold, and the heat of her body felt good against mine. "Yes, ma'am. I'm gettin' in bed. Come keep me warm."

We lay in bed talking for a while, while she warmed me. "That didn't sound like their first fight."

"I'm sure it wasn't."

"They didn't look real happy with each other."

That was an understatement. If the arguing that Beau and Lettie had done occurred on a regular basis, I was sure they weren't happy. With each other or themselves. "Not like us."

"Mmmmm." Doralice laid her head on my shoulder, and I kissed her forehead.

"I think we better go to Little Bend tomorrow."

"Any particular reason?"

"Two, actually. You owe Maude an explanation."

She was quiet for just a moment. "You're right, I do. What's the second reason?"

"I wanna see Simon."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

I'd given it some thought, so I was ready with an answer. "Yeah, I think that's a good idea. I dragged you into this mess – I want to get us out of it."

"You didn't drag me anywhere, handsome. I walked into it willingly. I'd do it again, too."

A sigh escaped me. "I know you would. That's part of the reason . . . well, that's part of the reason." I couldn't tell her just then what I wanted to say. Maybe because I didn't feel like I had a right to tell her. And maybe I didn't, at that exact moment. I'd come back to her broken in body and spirit, and she'd taken me in and given me shelter from the storm that raged within me. I wanted to tell her that . . . well, that I loved her. And I had, for a long time. But I needed to feel whole when I finally told her, and I was a long way from whole right now. So . . . time to start doin' somethin' to fix that. And if tellin' Maude what happened in New Orleans, and goin' to see what Simon could do to help were the first steps in that direction, they were steps I was willing to take.

That night, full of peace and resolve, I slept with no disturbances, physical or mental. And all night my arms were full of the woman I loved.

XXXXXXXX

When we came downstairs the next morning the only one there besides Lily Mae was Cousin Beau, who wore a bright red mark on his cheek. That, of course, was the answer to who'd given and who'd received the slap that we all heard last night.

"Cousin Bart, Miss Donovan," he nodded to us as we sat down for coffee.

"Doralice," my lady reaffirmed.

"Sorry, just tryin' to be proper this morning." He shook his head. "Not much that comes outta my mouth is right these days."

"Didn't sound happy last night." That was the best way I could say what was in my head.

"It wasn't, Bart. On either side. It went way past happy a while back."

Doralice stood up, coffee cup in hand. "Lily Mae, weren't you gonna show me that new quilt you made?"

"Was I? That's right, I was. Let's look at it now, before I start breakfast. It's up in my room." I smiled at the women as they made their way out of the kitchen and up the stairs. Then I got up and grabbed the coffee pot. Beau and I could both use some more of Lily's coffee.

"How long's that been goin' on?" Beau asked once I'd sat back down at the table.

"For a while now," I answered, and grinned at him.

"Looks pretty good from here."

"Yours did too, till last night. What was that all about?"

It seemed odd, me having to pry information out of Beau. Usually he couldn't wait to talk about whatever was goin' on in his life. Not this time.

"I'm not sure I know anymore."

"Beau – why's Lettie so mad at Jody and Beck?"

"She's not really mad at Beck. He's the innocent party in all this."

"Are you tryin' to tell me . . . "

"That Jody called Lettie a whore? No, I'm not. Lettie misunderstood somethin' Jody said and won't let go of it. Even though we've all tried to explain it to her. I finally asked her to please forget the whole thing, and that's when the trouble started. I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I suggested we come visit Pa and Uncle Beauregard. Now she's mad at me, too."

"Last night wasn't the first time you've argued about it."

Beau shook his head. "No. She's not talkin' to me. I thought things would get better when we left Montana, and they did for a while. But the first time somebody mentioned Jody, Leticia started up on it all over again. What do I do now, Bart?"

"Do you love her, Beau?" I had to know the answer to that question before I answered his.

"Do I love Leticia? If you'd asked me six months ago . . . even if you'd asked me three months ago, I might have given you a different answer. But now . . . no, Bart, I don't love Leticia. I feel an obligation to her, a responsibility. It was my askin' her to go with me that started this whole . . . nightmare. But there's no love involved here. Not anymore."

Hmm. Made me think about a lot of things. Beau, Lettie, Jody and Beck, Doralice. Was I that confident that I loved Doralice? Or would the next six months prove to be our undoing, just like they'd been Beau and Lettie's? How much of my concern was real, and how much was simply my reaction to Beau's predicament? I owed myself answers – but I owed Beau an answer, too.

"There's only two choices, Cousin Beau. Live with it. Or leave."

He sighed, then attempted a smile. "I guess that's what it comes down to, doesn't it? Now I just have to decide . . . which choice I can live with."


	13. Gainfully Employed

Chapter 13 – Gainfully Employed

After breakfast we set out for town. I didn't know what Beau was gonna do about Lettie; he'd asked for my two cents worth and I'd given it to him. The rest was up to him to decide. Pappy and Ben still weren't up when we left, but Lily Mae knew where we were headed, and why, so nobody had to worry.

There was no way that Maude would be awake at this hour; we went by Simon's clinic first. He was already there and just finishing with one of the local boys and a broken arm. It wasn't a long wait; Simon had gotten quite proficient with little boys and casts. "You'd have had a good time with me," I informed him when he joined us in his office. "I was always breakin' one bone or another."

"I remember. Glad you don't do that anymore."

Doralice had somethin' to say about that. "No, now he just gets shot."

"It would be easier to treat broken bones or gunshots. I assume you came in about the aftereffects of the opium."

I nodded. "I'm willin' to do whatever it takes to push this in the right direction, Simon. You said you have some ideas?"

"I do. I'm sure you won't like some of them . . . "

"I don't much care, at this point." That was the truth. I was so worn out from everything goin' on that I would have agreed to do almost anything.

"Keep that in mind, Bart."

Doralice squeezed my hand. "We will."

"First off – you need to stop drinking so much coffee. It's helping to kill your appetite, and you need to start eating. Drink water instead. And drink a lot of it."

I can just imagine the face I must have made. Simon gave me a look that said it all – _'Told you.'_

"Next – there are some herbs that I want you to take at least twice a day. Mix them with water and drink them. If you can't stand the taste, mix them with something that will hide the flavor – tea or sarsaparilla. Lemonade, if you have to."

This was soundin' better and better. I couldn't wait for the rest.

"Last – you need to get some exercise. Do something physical, like working at the ranch. Something that will tire you out on a daily basis. If you're worn out at night you'll fall asleep easier and stay asleep longer. You have to do more than just sit at a poker table, at least for the foreseeable future. If you can't think of anything else, take that lovely lady and go for a walk. A long walk, every day. Whether you want to or not."

That was quite a list, and while all three could be unpleasant, none of them would kill me. Whereas the continuing influence of the opium addiction just might, the way I was going. "I can do those. All I need are the herbs from you, I presume." I think Doralice and Simon were both surprised that I took the directions quite so calmly. Especially the coffee part. Much as I loved drinking the black liquid, I was almost at the end of my rope and would give anything a try in the hopes it would break the spell that opium had over me. "How long before I see any effect?"

"Come see me in two weeks, and we'll find out if there's any change." Simon paused, then asked, "Any other questions?"

I shook my head. "I'll do my best."

Simon got up from his desk. "I have to go assemble the herbs. Can you come back in an hour?"

"We can do that," Doralice affirmed, giving my hand another squeeze. "We're going to see Maude."

We left Simon's office then and wandered down the boardwalk towards Maude's. There was a chance Mrs. Donovan would be in her office by now, and there was an idea swirling in my head. Maude had offered me a job a while back, and I wondered if she still wanted me to work for her. The position was floor manager, which meant that I would be on my feet and walkin' the saloon most of the night. A much more pleasant use of my energies than workin' at Uncle Ben's ranch. Plus I would be around Doralice most of the time.

Maude's was open and the owner's office door was closed, a good sign this early in the mornin'. It usually meant that Maude was busy working and didn't want to be disturbed, but she'd been without an explanation of her daughter's 'disappearance' long enough. Whatever she was involved with this mornin' could be resumed later.

I knocked, but Doralice didn't wait and opened the door. At first I was almost panicked, thinking there was somethin' wrong when I saw Maude's head down. It took me a minute to realize she was merely asleep with her head on the desk. Then I felt guilty, realizing another person had been affected by my problem.

"Maude, honey, wake up. It's me and Bart. Wake up." Doralice shook her mother's shoulder gently and Maude's head came off the desk. The first thing she saw was me, and she smiled.

"Bart," Maude murmured, and slowly sat up. She rubbed her eyes and then turned to her daughter. "I wondered when I'd see you again."

"Sorry, Mama, I did what I had to do. We're here to explain things to you."

"And to take you up on a previous offer, if it still stands," I added.

Doralice stared at me. I hadn't told her what I was thinking, so it would be news to both of the Donovan women. Good news, I hoped.

"Have you been here all night?"

Maude shook her head slowly. "No, I came in about an hour ago. I was just gonna rest my eyes for a few minutes . . . "

"This is all my fault," I told both of them. "If Doralice hadn't found it necessary to come babysit me – "

"It wasn't babysitting. And it was important." A defensive tone accompanied both statements.

She'd come to sit next to me, and I took her hand. "I know, and I'm grateful. But Maude needs you, too."

"There's a pot of coffee already made behind the bar. Maybe we better have some first."

I don't expect Maude anticipated what I told her next, but Doralice smiled when I said it. "I should have water instead."

Once the ladies had coffee and I had a glass of what was eventually goin' to become my best friend, we all settled in for the explanation. I gave Maude the abbreviated version, hoping that would explain most everything.

XXXXXXXX

" . . . and that's what Simon told me this mornin'. Anything not clear?" It had taken well over an hour to fill Maude in on the whole story, even though I tried to be brief. Whenever I saw confusion on her face I gave more detail; the only things I didn't try to explain were what Simon had called 'the terrors.'

"That's the reason for the water. I can't imagine you without coffee."

"I know, I can't, either. But if that's what it takes . . . I'll do whatever I have to."

Doralice asked her question. "What was that about a job offer from mama?"

I cleared my throat and plunged ahead. "Remember a while back when you wanted me to be your floor manager, Maude? Is the position still available?"

It took Maude all of three or four seconds to answer me. "For you, Bart, the answer is yes. But how is that . . . "

"Gonna help?" I finished. "Simon wants me to work, get physically tired out. I can do that here, in the saloon, as floor manager. I've done the job before, and it's plenty tiring. It'll keep me on my feet and movin'. Plus it'll bring Doralice back here an give you some relief."

"But what about after closing? Are we gonna go back to the ranch every night?" It was a fair question, and one I hoped I had an answer for.

"We can switch off. Stay two or three nights at the ranch, then two or three nights at your place. Unless you'd rather not. In that case I'll go back to Ben's and you can stay in town."

"Oh, no sir. We're in this together. What about it, Maude?"

The lady in question chuckled slightly. "Looks like I've got myself a floor manager." She leaned across the desk and we shook hands, then she turned to Doralice. "Got my girl back, too."


	14. It Ain't Simple

Chapter 14 – It Ain't Simple

"That sure is ugly lookin' stuff, ain't it?" I couldn't help asking the question – what Simon handed me looked more like what Lily Mae pulled out of the vegetable garden as weeds than anything else.

"At least you don't have to take so much of it at a time," Doralice remarked as we ate lunch. Yes, I said 'we.' Whether it was a lack of coffee or just food, I was hungry. So I followed Simon's missive, and I ate. I ended up with his 'herbs' disguised in a cup of tea, and they were easier to get down than I'd anticipated. Truth be told, I was havin' more trouble drinking water than I was with anything else.

When we were finished, Doralice looked at my plate approvingly. "You were hungry."

"That I was. Anything else you want to do in town?"

She shook her head. "No. We're working for Maude tonight, aren't we?"

"Yes, ma'am. I wanna change clothes, don't you?"

"I do. Let's go out to Ben's first, then we can stop at Maude's before we go in."

"Good idea," I replied. "I wanna talk to Beau, anyway, and see if he's decided anything. And I think we should sleep in town tonight, don't you?"

"I agree. We're both gonna be tired; no sense tryin' to go all the way back out to the mansion the first night."

I paid for lunch and we left the dining room. "Would you rather stay at the hotel?"

"Then at Maude's? I don't see any need to do that, do you?"

She took my arm as we walked outside, and I helped her into the buggy. "As long as you're comfortable with me there."

Doralice smiled at me. "I'm comfortable with you anywhere, handsome."

It was a pleasant trip out to Uncle Ben's; for the time being I was content not to worry about what would or wouldn't happen. Everybody was in the kitchen drinking coffee by the time we arrived; all except Lettie and Beau.

"They're out in the barn," Uncle Ben offered, and I wondered if Beau had made a decision about his relationship with the woman.

"Been out there long?" I asked.

"Quite a while," Lily Mae explained as she picked up a cup and went to pour me some coffee.

"No coffee, Lily," I told her, and I thought she might faint.

"No . . . coffee?"

"Do we have water inside?"

Lily still had that stunned look on her face. "Water?"

"Water, Lily. That stuff most people drink?"

"I just . . . I . . . well, yes . . . but you . . . "

"Sit down and I'll explain everything." We did indeed have water, and I poured myself a cup and took a place at the table. Doralice had an amused smile on her face; everyone else looked mighty perplexed. I went through the suggestions Simon had given me, and the reasons behind each one, and gradually the confusion seemed to clear up. Until I got to the part about working as Maude's floor manager.

"Workin'? For Maudie? What's that gonna accomplish?" Pappy was skeptical at best.

"That exercise Simon wanted me to get? Bein' Maude's floor manager helps her out and keeps me movin'. That's the reason for doin' it. It's temporary."

Doralice nodded. "We found Maude asleep at her desk this morning. She's been working day and night since I left. I can take over for her while Bart works the floor. If something happens and he needs me, I'm there."

"Where you gonna sleep?" Lily Mae asked, finally recovering from her shock over the coffee.

"Part-time here, part-time in town. We're gonna stay in Little Bend for the next couple nights, then we'll be out here. I know this all sounds plenty strange – it sounds kinda strange to me, too. I just gotta try somethin'."

"I've had my disagreements with Simon, y'all know that. But he's a dang good doctor, no matter what I think about what happened between him and Bret. So if he says it might help, then I think you're doin' the right thing." Pappy stood up and rested his hand on Doralice's shoulder. "You keep an eye on him, Missy, and make sure he does what he's sposed to. He's been through enough." He gave her a sad smile, then made his way down the hall and back upstairs.

Lily Mae was the next to leave; headed for the front room. "You let me know if you need anything from me," she instructed both of us. "I've got work to do."

Doralice quickly followed, bending down to kiss me on the check before going upstairs. "I'll get my things together. We should head back to town."

"I'll be up in just a minute."

Ben still sat at the table with me. "Beau talked to you this mornin'. About him and Leticia."

"He did. I asked him a question and he gave me an answer."

"It sounds so simple, just like that. But it ain't simple, is it?"

I shook my head. "No, Uncle Ben, it ain't. It seemed right that he was comin' home, and bringin' someone with him – like maybe he was finally tryin' to get on with his life. But it sure don't look like that at all."

"Maybe he just picked the wrong woman."

"Or maybe he picked her for the wrong reason."

The front door opened and closed, and footsteps could be heard on the stairs. A door slammed shut just as Beau came through the hall and into the kitchen. He shook his head and sighed, then grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down at the table, across from his father. "How did things go with Simon?" he asked, avoiding the obvious.

Once again I explained what I'd been told, and Beau was grinning by the time I finished. "I'm sure Uncle Beauregard had plenty to say about you workin' for Maude. I'm surprised I didn't hear him all the way outside."

I shook my head. "Actually, Pappy was pretty calm about the whole idea. He understands the reasons for it." I paused long enough to drink the rest of my water. "Not to change the subject, but how are you and Lettie?"

Another audible sigh from Cousin Beau. He looked like he'd just lost his last dollar in a poker game he should have won. "No change. She just won't let it go, and I'm not sure how much longer I'm willin' to listen to her complain."

"Uncle Ben, you and Pappy comin' in to town tonight?"

"We are, nephew. What about you, son?" he asked Cousin Beau.

"I think I will. I need to get away for a while."

Finally it was my turn, and I stood up and pushed my chair back. "I have to go pack a bag. I'll see y'all later." I walked up the stairs and down the hall, and I could hear Doralice and Lettie as I got closer to our room.

"How do you stand it?" Lettie questioned.

"How do I stand it? You make it sound like it's a hardship. I love him, Leticia. I wanna be with him. I don't care what people think, or what they say. If other people are more important to you than Beau, maybe you're with the wrong man." There was a pause, as if Doralice was weighing her words carefully. "Or maybe Beau's with the wrong woman."

I almost got trampled as Lettie came storming out of the room and headed back down the hall. "I don't think she liked what you told her."

"You heard us?"

"Honey, I couldn't help but hear you. Then she almost walked over me out in the hall. How you doin' with packin' a bag?"

"Almost done. I'd be finished if . . . "

I swept Doralice into my arms and kissed her. "Let me change clothes. I'll be ready in five minutes." I kissed her again, and she put her arms around my neck.

"Can I help?"

"What, pack? I don't need help packin'."

She got a wicked little grin on her face. "I meant can I help you change clothes?"

I got the distinct feeling it was gonna take me longer than five minutes.


	15. Gracie and the Roulette Wheel

Chapter 15 – Gracie and the Roulette Wheel

It was a whole lot to learn all in one night. Maude had two regular bartenders, four saloon girls, a roulette man, two faro dealers, and a billiards manager. And it had been months since I'd been on my feet that long at a stretch.

By the time we closed at four in the morning, I was exhausted. From the look on Doralice's face, I wasn't the only one. And we were both starved. That was quite a change for me, and at least that part of Simon's 'medicine' was working. Graciela's Mexican Café was the only place open at this time of the night – or morning – and that's where we headed. The food was good and there was plenty of it, and I managed to eat most of it. For the second time in less than twenty-four hours I'd had a full meal; it had been quite a while since that happened. And I took another 'dose' of Simon's herbs.

"How does it feel?" Doralice asked as we walked down the boardwalk toward Maude's house.

"Curious," I answered. "I'm not sure which is more unusual – bein' full or bein' tired. Make sure you wake me up if I fall asleep before we get there." Small chance of that, as we turned down the next street and made our way up the steps at the third house on the right. We tried to be as quiet as possible, assuming Maude to be asleep, but she wasn't there.

"Must be at Cristian's," my lady offered, and it sounded right to me.

"Good for her. Speakin' of bed . . . "

"Oh, were we?"

I chuckled and pulled her close to me. "Let me rephrase that. Speakin' of sleep . . . "

Doralice looked disappointed. "I was afraid that's what you meant."

"Sorry."

She stood on tiptoe and kissed me. "Let's hope bein' tired works like it's supposed to."

And it did. The last thing I remember is climbing into bed and closing my eyes for just a moment; the next thing that made an impression on me was the warm body I held in my arms and the daylight that flooded into the room. "Mornin'," I murmured into her hair, and I felt her hand on my cheek.

"You didn't wake up last night. Did you dream anything?"

I had to think for a minute, but there was nothin' in my memory at all. "Nope."

"That's good, isn't it?"

I tilted her head up and kissed her lips. "That's good. How'd you sleep?"

"Like a rock. I forgot that workin' behind that bar was so tiring. I wonder what time it is?"

"No idea. I s'pose we should get up."

"I s'pose. You think Maude's home yet?"

There was noise in the kitchen, and I had to ask. "Did Maude get a cat?"

"No."

"Then I'd say she's home."

XXXXXXXX

Three days later we were in the barn at Uncle Ben's. Everything Simon told me about seemed to be working so far, and when we woke up this afternoon we found a surprise from Lily Mae. She'd packed us lunch, with apples for Noble and Blue, and we decided a picnic sounded just about right. Doralice was sitting on a bale of hay while I saddled the horses, and we were talking about the crowd at Maude's last night.

"Business keeps goin' like that, Mama's gonna have to hire another roulette man. I saw you runnin' the wheel last night."

I chuckled as I pulled the girth tight on Blue. "Everybody else was busy. Besides, it's more interesting than just walkin' around the saloon."

"You're just achin' to get in a poker game, aren't you?"

"Of course I am."

"What harm could it do?"

"None, I hope. I just can't play all night."

Doralice stood and handed me the food Lily Mae had packed. "We can get plenty of exercise this afternoon. Instead of taking a nap after we eat, we can take a walk." I helped her up on Blue and mounted Noble once he'd stopped tossin' his head around.

"That's a good idea, Miss Donovan. Remind me of that when my belly's full and I'm tryin' to fall asleep."

"To the river?"

"Where else?"

We were about halfway to the river when Doralice pulled Blue to a halt. "Bart, are there any small ranches for sale around here?"

"Why? You gonna buy one?"

She shook her head. "No, but Maude is lookin' for one, rather than the house in town. She and Cristian wanna get away from the city. She promised I could have it if they find what they want."

"I can think of two or three. Let's check with Pappy and Ben when we get back to the mansion."

Of course, the first one that came to mind was the original Maverick house, the one that belonged to Pappy and Momma. It stood empty for years, but I didn't know if Pappy wanted to part with it or not. Then there was the old Tompkins ranch. It was sold two or three times since Ben Tompkins was killed; Mary Alice, his daughter, and Bret had tried to get married when they were both fifteen. Mary Alice was supposed to return to Little Bend from her aunt's in Louisiana the year she turned sixteen but she never did, and she'd sold the ranch a long time ago. Nobody seemed to stay there for very long, but there wasn't any particular reason why.

We went on to the river and had a pleasant afternoon. Now that my appetite was on the verge of returning full force, I was much more appreciative of Lily Mae's cooking, especially the way she cooked chicken. And Doralice was true to her word and made sure that we took a walk after eating instead of napping on the blanket the way we usually did.

I was distracted on the way back to Ben's . . . Cousin Beau still had me concerned. Nothing had improved between him and Lettie, and Uncle Ben was on the verge of asking them to leave. I couldn't let that happen; it would break Ben's heart.

I didn't have to look far to find Cousin Beau. He was out in the barn with Gracie, Ben's old hound dog. They were engaged in quite the conversation when I brought the horses in, and I let them finish while I unsaddled Noble and Blue. Just about the time I got done, Cousin Beau got awfully quiet.

"Bart, you got a minute?"

"Sure, Beau. I didn't wanna interrupt you and the hound. Remember when your Pa first got Gracie? She spent every minute with him."

My cousin scratched her head. "Yeah, that was before Uncle Beau moved in. Things were a whole lot more simple then."

"You and Lettie?"

He nodded. "It's over, Bart. I can't take any more from her. I have to send her somewhere; anywhere. I've tried to explain it to her . . . she just sits and stares at me. I don't know what else to do."

I gave it some thought. "Maybe she'd listen to me . . . or Doralice."

"You think she would?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. It's worth a try, I guess. Where is she?"

"Up in my room. At least she was a few minutes ago." He paused and scratched the hound again. "I'll pay for her trip. I'll even give her money for a fresh start somewhere. I just need her to leave here."

"I'll talk to Doralice and see what she says. You comin' in with me?"

One last pat for Gracie, and Beau stood up and followed me inside. There was no sign of anyone in the house, so I went upstairs. Beau wandered into the kitchen. Doralice was easy to find; she was just coming out of Beau's room.

"Handsome – you're just the person I was lookin' for. Come down to our room and talk to me." That's where I was headed anyway; this was one of the nights we were spending at the ranch.

I closed the door behind me and sat on the bed; Doralice took a chair. She didn't waste any time. "Leticia wants to leave. Without Beau."

I almost laughed with relief. "Good. He wants her to go."

"She has no money, Bart."

"That's not a problem. Beau told me he'll pay for her ticket – to anywhere. He even offered to give her somethin' to get her started."

Doralice looked surprised. "He did?"

I nodded. "Just now, before we came in from the barn. Why?"

"Because she said . . . that he wouldn't."

"He wouldn't do that – he doesn't wanna hurt her, he just wants her to leave."

"Where did they go wrong?"

I crossed the room and scooped Doralice into my arms. "I don't know. I just don't know."


	16. No Pain

Chapter 16 – No Pain

Things were fairly quiet that night, and after two or three hours they'd settled down enough that I found a poker game and sat in. Everybody working at Maude's had their instructions – if anything happened that they needed me for, come get me right away. It felt wrong and yet totally right to be sittin' at a poker table playin' five-card draw; it took me a while to get the feel of the cards back. I played for several hours and had to force myself to get up and walk away . . . the only thing I wanted to do was keep playin'.

The sun was just comin' up by the time we got back to Ben's house. I assumed everyone to be asleep, and Doralice stayed in the barn with me while I took care of the horses. We were just steps away from the front door when it became evident that my assumption was wrong. There was a female voice screaming, and the sound of objects breaking could be heard. I looked at Doralice as I put my hand on the door. "Sure you wanna go in?"

"Not really," she answered, "but I guess we better."

I opened the door and had to duck to avoid being hit by what appeared to be a vase. It was actually aimed at Beau, who was standing just inside the doorway as we entered the house. Lettie was responsible for most of the screaming, while Uncle Ben and Pappy were doing their best to calm her down. It wasn't working.

"What's goin' on here?" I managed to ask Beau as we both got out of the doorway. I pulled Doralice in behind me, to protect her from any more flying objects, but I couldn't hear his answer over Lettie's yelling.

I could only catch a few words – "lying" and "bastard" chief among them – before Lily Mae and Doralice surrounded Lettie and 'herded' her into the kitchen, still screaming. I looked to Beau for an answer to my question and noticed a small trickle of blood running from the corner of his mouth. He took the handkerchief I offered him and dabbed at it before answering me. "I offered to give her five hundred dollars, and she threatened to kill me."

"Kill you?"

He nodded. That's when I noticed that he was well on his way to having a black eye. He saw me staring and acknowledged, "Leticia's handiwork."

Ben came rushing over and put his arm around his son's shoulders. "Come with me, boy," and he took hold of Beau's arm and guided him upstairs to the empty bedroom. I could hear their voices after the door was closed but couldn't understand what was being said.

"Pappy?" was my next question.

"Heck of a night for you to come home, son," was Pappy's reply as he led me further into the living room. "She's been like that for almost an hour. God knows what started it."

I saw Doralice come from the kitchen and head upstairs. She went into Beau's room and, since she didn't come back out, I assumed she was packing Lettie's belongings. "I'll take her into town to catch the stage, Pappy," I volunteered.

"No, Bartley, Ben and me will take her. You get some sleep. The sooner she's outta this house, the better."

"Alright, Pappy, I'm goin' to talk to Beau. I'll send Uncle Ben back down."

I climbed the stairs and went to the room that father and son had disappeared into, knocking at the door. "Come in," Ben's voice boomed, and I opened the door cautiously.

"Uncle Ben, Pappy says the two of you are gonna take Lettie into town. He's waitin' for ya downstairs."

Once Ben had left the room, I took a good look at Beau's eye. "What did she hit you with?"

"A shoe," he replied. "She missed with the second one."

"What started it?"

"I asked where she wanted to go. That's all I did, Bart. I asked where she wanted to go, and she just blew up. Then I tried to give her money, and she wouldn't take it."

"Alright, give it to me. Doralice is packin' her things, we'll put it in the suitcase." Beau reached inside his coat and unpinned his thousand dollar bill, then handed it to me. "You sure?" I asked.

"I'm sure. I want her . . . I want her to have a chance. It's the least I can do."

I nodded and went down to Beau's room. Doralice was just about to close Lettie's bag. "Here, put this in there where she'll find it," I instructed, handing her the money. "Pappy and Ben are gonna take her to the stage."

Doralice took the bill from me, placed it inside somewhere it was sure to be found, and I took the bag downstairs. Ben, Pappy, and Lettie were already outside in the buggy, and I gave the valise to Pappy. "Good luck, Leticia," and I tipped my hat to the girl and watched for a moment as Uncle Ben drove off towards town. I headed back inside and went straight to the kitchen, where Lily Mae was already pouring coffee for Doralice and Cousin Beau. "Pour me one, too, Lily Mae," I told her, and ignored the look I got as I sat down at the table.

Beau's eyes were red, and I wasn't sure if it was from dodging thrown objects or pent-up emotions. I rested my hand on his arm, and he slowly looked up at me. "She's gone, Beau. They'll buy her a ticket to anywhere she wants to go."

"She'll . . . she'll be alright?"

"She'll be fine, Beau. You just sent her off to a better life than she could have gotten any place else." Doralice's words were spoken softly, but her smile and encouragement told Beau more than I could have.

"Lettie's a survivor, Beau, and you are, too. Now you can both get a fresh start." I set my empty cup down. "Doralice, I need some sleep. You comin' with me?"

"I'll be up in a few minutes if that's okay with you?"

I gave a little chuckle. "Whatever makes you happy."

XXXXXXXX

I wasn't awake long, but I was still alone in the bed when I fell asleep. Maybe it was the coffee; maybe it was the turmoil I'd come home to. Maybe it was the poker, the first I'd played for money in a long, long time. Maybe it was everything. Maybe it was just time.

 _I was standing in the old house, the one that Bret and me had grown up in. I heard our voices in the bedroom, Bret's and Beau's and mine, and it sounded like we were playin' cards. Truth be told, it must have been a game of Red Dog. I found my way to the bedroom and I was right, it was Red Dog, and Beau was tellin' me to quit cheatin'. We must have been seven or eight years old, and I was mad as all get out._

" _I'm not cheatin'!" I yelled, and threw the cards at Cousin Beau._

" _You are so!" he yelled back, and reciprocated in kind. The next thing I knew, two little boys were rolling around on the floor, while the third one tried desperately to pull them apart._

" _What's goin' on in there?" Pappy's voice boomed, and before things could go any further I was in Silver Creek, Montana, watching the last of The Three Maverick's burn to the ground._

" _What happened? What did you do?" Bret cried, as he held Marybeth Canton's body in his arms and tears streamed down his face. She'd saved my life; taken the bullet that was meant for me, and died in my stead. And I could see the pain and hatred in my brother's eyes. "Get out of my way, I don't want to look at you right now."_

 _I watched Bret walk away from me and knew that he'd never forgive me for her death. Even though I had nothing to do with it. "Bret, wait!" I called out, but he kept on walking until he was out of sight._

 _Then I was in Dry Springs, New Mexico, standing at an empty grave, waiting for Caroline's casket to be lowered into the ground. My arm in a sling, my hat in my hand, my heart in the grave already, waiting for my wife to be laid to rest. 'It's my fault, it's all my fault' kept circling around in my mind, and all I wanted to do was crawl into the grave right along with her. I didn't wanna live without her, and there was only one way I could think of to accomplish that._

 _At last I was in New Orleans, accepting that first cigar from Matt Langford. Somethin' was odd about that cigar, and I knew it from the very start, there in the back of my mind. I'd made myself believe I was an innocent victim, that I didn't know until it was too late, just what it was that drew me in and turned me inside out, but that wasn't true – I knew what it was, and I didn't care. I wanted to forget but I couldn't; I wanted to die but I didn't have the courage to do so. I lied to myself about Matt and everything he offered me – sweet oblivion, no more having to face the pain so deep inside that I had to cover it over with anger. Then there was no more Matthew, and I was runnin' through the streets trying to find Hop Alley – and stay buried inside that deep, black, opium cocoon, where I felt nothing – no memories, no pain, no pain. Forever, for the rest of my life, no pain._


	17. Forgive and Forget

Chapter 17 – Forgive and Forget

I opened my eyes, and the truth hit me harder than Lettie's shoe had clipped Beau. _I knew what was in Matt's cigars and I didn't care._ I was in pain, emotional pain, and I wanted the pain to stop. And if I didn't have the courage to make it stop, I wanted to escape it. No matter what I had to do.

Those were the facts, facts that I'd been trying to avoid believing for weeks on end. _I knew about the opium –_ maybe not consciously, but deep down inside, I knew. Why had I let it go on so long?

I looked at the woman lying asleep in my arms and half expected her to open her eyes and call me what I really was. A fake, a phony, an easy goin' coward who was in too much pain to go on livin', and was too afraid of death to actually die. When had it all started?

I was five years old when Momma died. I think that was the beginning, believing that I was the reason Belle Maverick no longer walked the earth. If I'd been stronger, healthier, she wouldn't have caught the fever from me that killed her. And when I was a little older and came down with Scarlatina, I had to share that, too, and coulda lost my brother because of it.

Then there was Earnie Night, one of my best friends when I was fifteen. Me and another friend were supposed to help Earnie rob a saloon in Claytonville. Not the brightest idea, but I'd agreed to go along with it. That is until I backed out. Earnie went anyway and got himself killed. Maybe he'd still be alive if I'd gone with him.

And the worst of all; Caroline Crawford Maverick. The first woman I truly loved; the only one I'd married. So many different ways I could have prevented her from dying, but I could never forget the pain of watching her casket put in the ground after she was killed. Again, my fault. If I'd paid more attention when I was comin' down the stairs the morning she died. If I was just a little smarter and a little faster with a gun. But I wasn't, and she was gone.

There were more, many more; most of them involved my brother. How many times had Bret been shot, almost killed, because of me or somethin' I'd gotten us into? How many more times before his luck ran out, and I lost him for good? And then there was the woman in my arms, the one I'd fallen in love with but hadn't yet told. Would she be safe if I never said the words?

I eased her out of my arms and crawled very carefully out of bed. I'd learned how to dress quickly and quietly a long time ago, and she was still sleeping when I left the room. There was no sign of anyone up in the house, not even Lily Mae, but I breathed a little easier once I got outside. I had to get out of there; get away and think it all through. The realization I'd come to wasn't an easy one to face, or live with, and right now I wasn't sure I wanted to do either.

Even Noble seemed to sense this was a difficult and desperate situation. There was no protest, no argument. He behaved like a perfect gentleman and never made a fuss while I saddled him. We rode out of the barn and into the morning with nary a sound, and headed to the only place I felt welcome right now – the Maverick graveyard up on the hill.

No matter the weather, it was always calm and peaceful up here. Momma and Aunt Abby were up on a hill with a giant Desert Willow tree on the edge of the grounds, and I'd spent many an afternoon sitting at the base of that tree, tryin' to get some clarity about one thing or another. Momma's spirit was here in a way, like nowhere else, and I desperately needed to talk to her now. I guess you could say it was a matter of life or death.

So many times over the years I'd come up here and laid my heart bare; so many more times I'd bared my soul. No one had ever spoken to me the way Momma had, not even Bret, as close as we were. Pappy might insist that my personality and temperament were so very much like his, but my soul had always belonged to Momma. I sat in my usual spot and gawked at the simple marker atop her grave. It held her name and the dates of birth and death; there was no room for any more. It held my heart, too, although that wasn't quite so obvious.

"What am I gonna do, Momma? I've been blamin' everything that happened on a dead man, and he was just the means to an end. I could've . . . I could've . . . I could've stopped it all. I could've . . . but I didn't. I didn't wanna think . . . I didn't wanna feel . . . I just wanted to escape all the pain. What do I do now?"

A soft breeze blew the willow tree, and I could almost hear her voice. _'Let it go, Bartley. Let it go.'_ There had to be a way to do that, to quit blamin' myself for everything that went wrong. A way to keep livin' and let go of the pain; a way to find peace again. I sat there and watched the grasses wave in the breeze, the fallen blooms from the tree blow across the little graveyard, and slowly it began to dawn on me. Momma was right, all I had to do was let it go. Forgive myself for bein' human, for making mistakes, for not bein' perfect. Forgive myself for bein' sickly when I was a child; for changin' my mind and refusin' to be an outlaw; for bein' so full of happiness over the love I'd found that I didn't notice the evil comin' our way until it was too late.

Why hadn't I ever thought of it before? Maybe because this was the first time I'd taken my guilt and shame out and examined it. The first time I admitted that not everything that happened in this life could be changed, or avoided. That not everything was my fault.

It sounded right, for the first time in my life. Not everything was my fault. Choices have consequences, but sometimes the choices aren't up to us to make. Sometimes you get dealt the wrong cards. Sometimes the game is rigged. Sometimes you just gotta play the hand, or fold and wait for the next deal.

I sat for hours, or what seemed like hours, and ran it through my mind over and over again. I was human. I was gonna make mistakes. I had to forgive myself when I did and keep goin' without draggin' my failures around, waiting for the vultures to find me. Forgive and forget. Forgive and forget. Forgive and forget.

Finally, somethin' in the distance caught my eye and I looked up to see Blue, with Doralice on her back, coming up the hill. There was the woman I'd fallen in love with, so unexpectedly; my second chance at life. Her golden hair blew in the breeze and she smiled, and I stood up and waited for her. I had an awful lot to tell her.


	18. Partners

Chapter 18 – Partners

"I thought I'd find you here."

"I had a lotta thinkin' to do." True. Doralice had no idea how much my life had changed in those few short hours I sat at the graveyard. Don't get me wrong – I'm still Bart Maverick, a gamblin' man and, some would say, a ne'er-do-well. But I was more at peace with myself than I'd been for years. I was still gonna make mistakes, do foolish things, know disreputable people. And there would still be times when I caused me and those around me heartache. Then what had changed? Somethin' deep inside; fundamental and profound. I no longer expected Bart Maverick to be perfect, and I was learning how to forgive him when he wasn't.

I don't know if anybody else would understand. I'm not sure I understood. I just knew that I felt better – lighter, cleaner, like the war that had raged within me for so long was finally over. I'd had to go through hell to get here, and God was the only one that knew if I could make it last, but I was gonna do my best.

"You've been gone quite a while."

"Sorry if I made you worry." I hadn't intended to; I just knew I had to get away from everything and everyone. Like I said a long time ago, there's only two places I can think – at the poker table, and at Momma's grave.

"You had nightmares again, didn't you?"

I nodded. I couldn't explain everything that had happened, but I could explain part of it. "I'm alright, Doralice. They weren't . . . they weren't night terrors. They made me look at things like I never did before. A lotta things that always confused me . . . make more sense now." I dropped Blue's reins and pulled Doralice close to me, and kissed my woman in a way I'm not sure I'd ever kissed her before. It was slow and soft and tender, full of hope and promise, and it said what I hadn't yet put into words.

When we broke apart there was a look in her eyes I hadn't seen before. "I . . . oh, I . . . I'm not quite . . . where did that . . . come from?"

I just laughed and kissed her again. I couldn't have explained it if I'd tried.

XXXXXXXX

We rode back to Ben's slowly, content to just be together, and she told me that Beau looked awful but seemed more settled than he had since he first arrived at the mansion. He was awake and sittin' in the kitchen with Lily Mae while she attempted to darn socks. Whose, I don't know, but they weren't mine. Lettie's shoe had given him quite a shiner, but he perked up considerably when we came in. "Thought maybe you ran away from home after what you walked in on this morning."

I laughed and punched him in the arm. "Take more than that to run me off."

"You're in a fine mood, Cousin Bart. Thanks for the help this mornin', by the way."

"You're welcome, Cousin Beau. Not that I did all that much. I take it Pappy and Ben got back all in one piece."

Lily Mae answered that question. "They did, about an hour ago. Both of 'em lookin' as pleased as punch."

"They tell you where Lettie went?"

"No, and I didn't ask. She's not in Little Bend, and that's all that matters."

"Amen," Beau finished. He stared at me suspiciously. "I keep waiting."

"For what?" I asked innocently.

"For you to ask me what I was thinkin'."

I shook my head. "Not me, Cousin. I've made too many of those mistakes myself."

"Present company excluded, I hope," Doralice spoke up. She'd poured herself a cup of coffee and looked at me expectantly. I shook my head 'no' and she set the pot back on the stove, then poured me a cup of water. I was gettin' used to drinkin' the stuff, and I wasn't gonna stop until Simon gave approval.

"If you're a mistake, then you're one I should have made a long time ago." That generated one of her brilliant smiles, and a kiss on the cheek before she sat down.

"I'm glad somebody around here's happy," Lily Mae remarked.

"They say anything about goin' into town tonight?"

"Ben and Beauregard? Not a word."

"Who's talkin' about us?" Uncle Ben asked as he came around the corner. Pappy was right on his heels.

"Just the men I wanted to see. Maudie and Cristian are lookin' for a small ranch to buy. You got any suggestions?" I'd remembered to ask the question, now it was up to Pappy.

"Tompkins place is up for sale again," Ben suggested.

Pappy never said a word, and I wasn't gonna bring up our old spread until I had a chance to talk to him. "Nothin' else that you know of?"

Ben had taken a seat at the table but Pappy kept right on walking and went out the back door. I set my cup down and followed him outside. He was halfway to the barn and I had to run to catch up with him. He stopped dead in his tracks and said a single word. "No."

"Now how do you know what I was gonna ask?" I'd reached out and gotten hold of his arm, but he pulled away from me and resumed walking.

"Don't care, boy. I'm busy."

"Doin' what?"

"Lookin' for that dang fur ball. You seen her lately?"

Come to think of it, I hadn't, so I shook my head. "Not since we were here the last time. You suppose she's a momma yet?"

"That's why I'm lookin' for her." His tone was exasperated, and I knew he wasn't mad because he couldn't find the cat.

"It's just sittin' there gettin' old, Pappy."

His voice had changed; his next answer was sad and wistful. "Just like me. You and yer brother can do what you want with it after I'm gone, but I ain't sellin' it. Not even to Maudie."

"Pappy . . . "

"No."

"What if I wanted to live there?"

He stopped dead in his tracks for the second time. "You? Why would you? There's plenty a room here."

How could I explain it to him? I had the same reason he did. Momma. I hadn't made up my mind yet, but I was thinkin' about it. After this mornin' I was still thinkin' about a lotta things. "I was just . . . ruminatin' on it."

"What's gotten into you, boy?" Before I could answer him we both heard a loud 'Brrrrrrruuuppp', and a very bloated Melody staggered out from between hay bales. Three steps and she'd jumped into Pappy's arms, and he'd started back towards the house with her. "You're confined to quarters, Missy, till them babies is born. An don't give me no look like that. Gracie will understand your absence." She nudged his chin and 'Brrrrrrruuuppped' again. I followed behind and we were back outside when he finished softly, "You wanna live in it, you tell me. It's yours."

"Thanks, Pappy."

XXXXXXXX

Ben and Pappy decided to stay home and catch up on their sleep rather than go into Little Bend to play poker; Beau wanted to wait a few days so he didn't have to explain the black eye to everybody. Maude was comin' in to the saloon tonight, so we didn't have to be there quite so early. I took Doralice to supper at Graciela's and then we went to her office before we got started. I hadn't really had a chance to explain anything to her since she came out to the graveyard to get me, but she could tell I was in a much better frame of mind. Before I could get started there was a knock on her door, and when I opened it Maude was on the other side. "Hi 'ya, handsome," she greeted me, and breezed on in. "How's everybody doin'?"

"Good, Maudie. Real good. Feelin' more rested with a few days off?"

"I do, Bart. You're lookin' better, by the way. I take it Simon's suggestions are workin'?"

"So far, so good. Still can't get used to no coffee, though. I miss holdin' that cup all the time."

"How's it goin' out on the floor?"

"Fine," I told her. "I got no complaints. Everything okay on your end?"

"Better than fine. Revenue's up, losses down. Don't know why, but they play better when you're out in the saloon. Always been that way. Wish you'd stay permanent. I'd be happy to have you as a real partner."

Once before I'd played partner for Maude when she was trying to buy the tobacco shop next door, with paperwork attesting to the partnership drawn up by Cristian. It meant a lot that she thought it would be a good idea for the collaboration to be real. Of course, there were other ways for that to happen. Someday in the future I could end up as her son-in-law. I wondered which she had in mind.

"Now, Maude . . . "

"I know, I know. It's all wishful thinkin', Bart. Well, I'm goin' out to see the boys. You two'll be along soon, right?"

"Yes, Maude, in just a minute." Doralice kissed her mother and steered her back out the door, closing it and turning to me. "Was there somethin' you wanted to tell me?"

There was, but it could wait. "Nothin' that won't keep. We can talk on the way home." I kissed her, briefly, and headed out the way Maude had gone. I was looking forward to a nice peaceful night.


	19. Hobbs, New Mexico

Chapter 19 – Hobbs, New Mexico

It might have started out as peaceful, but it didn't stay that way. While all the boys in the saloon were happy to see Maude back, that seemed to be the only thing that made them happy. There was a fistfight at the roulette wheel and me and Dave Parker, Little Bend's current sheriff, prevented a shootout over a five-card stud game. It was one of those nights that made me wish I was sittin' in a poker game anywhere but here.

We didn't close until almost five in the morning, and Doralice had paperwork she wanted to finish, so I took Maude to breakfast at the hotel. We spent the meal catching up with each other, and I actually drank a cup of coffee. It tasted every bit as good as I remembered.

I was relaxing while Maude drank a last cup of tea when she abruptly changed the subject. "Bart, what are you gonna do about my daughter?"

"Do about her?" I had a good idea where she was headed, but I wanted to hear it from her.

"You know what I mean. She's head-over-heels in love with you."

"Uh, huh."

"Well? How do you feel about her?"

I must have had an amused look on my face because Maude reached across the table and took a swat at me. She missed, and I broke into a full-blown grin. "You know how I feel about her, Maude."

She shook her head and looked rather perplexed. "I thought I did, but . . . you're different. Calmer, happier . . . more settled. Almost like . . . like . . . "

"Like what?"

"Like you had somethin' on your mind besides runnin' around the country and playin' poker." I let her sit without an answer for a minute or two – not to be mean, but because I was mulling over her words. "Are you thinkin' about . . . " She stopped and waited for my response.

"What would you say if I was?"

She looked startled, then pleased, then curious. "I'd say it's about time." She put down her fork, then folded her arms in front of her. "Does she know yet?"

"Nope. That's the talk we were about to have when you interrupted us last night."

"Oh. Oh, my. I'm so sorry. Well, what are you doin' sittin' here with me? Go on back to the saloon. Wait, wait. If she says yes . . . when she says yes . . . can we talk about that partnership?"

"One step at a time, Maude." I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, paid for breakfast and started to get up when Johnny from the telegraph office came running in. He was out of breath and came straight for me.

"Mr. Maverick . . . glad I found you . . . went to the saloon first . . . you weren't there."

I started to chuckle until I saw the serious expression on Johnny's face. "What is it, Johnny? What's so urgent?"

He said nothing, just handed me the telegram. I took one look at it and jumped up, flipped a coin at Johnny, and ran out of the hotel with the telegram in my hand. I ran straight for the saloon and didn't knock at the door to Doralice's office, just went bursting in. She looked up, startled, and without saying a word I shoved the wire into her hands. She read it over, then appeared to read it over again, and raised her eyes to mine in horror. "When did you get this?" she gasped.

"Just now," I replied. "I have to go. Now. I'm sorry." I grabbed her from behind her desk and kissed her, and took all of five seconds to look into her eyes. "I love you." And I ran out of the saloon and jumped on Noble, and rode as fast as he would go back to Uncle Ben's ranch, the words of the telegram burned into my brain. It was from Hobbs, New Mexico, and was dated last night. _'Desperate. Trial starts next week. Trying to hang me. Need you. Bret.'_

XXXXXXXX

"No idea what it's about," I told Pappy as I frantically threw clothes into my war bag. "When was the last time you heard from him?"

"Over a month ago. He was still in Topeka with Ginny. Not one word since then." Pappy's face looked like my insides felt, knotted and twisted into unfamiliar positions. "What could have happened?"

"Anything. You know how Bret is. He won't ask for help until he has to." I stopped for a moment and grabbed Pappy by the shoulders. "Doralice, Pappy. I left her at the saloon. Take care of her. I didn't get to tell her . . . I love her, Pappy. I really do love her. Tell her I'll be back when this is all straightened out. You make sure . . . she's safe. And look out for Ben. He's gonna need your help with Cousin Beau. And you . . . don't you go gettin' in no trouble while I'm gone. You hear me?"

"You . . . you love the girl?"

"Yes." We stared deep into each other's eyes, those coal black eyes that looked so much like Bret's. I imagine he was seein' Momma's eyes in mine. "I do, Pappy. But that's gotta wait. So you . . . you make sure and watch out for her . . . and Maude. There just wasn't enough time . . . " I hugged him to me, and we held each other for a minute or more. We'd come a long way from the days when we barely shook hands. I understood a whole lot more now, about Pappy and me, and why it had been so hard for us for such a long time. I pulled back and sought those black eyes. "I'll bring him home, Pa. I swear."

I hugged him again, quicker this time, then let go and grabbed my war bag. I didn't know then it would be almost half a year before I'd see him again, or the woman I'd fallen in love with. A lot of things change in six months. And a lot of things don't.

The End


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